flutterby wonderwhy

moments

2012-01-19T19:16:00.000-08:00

Rebecca Lawrence

i'm listening to the same song again

reverberating in my head

then my vision blurs and I forget

this moment, when watching turns internal

the cover to this song sings me to sleep

just like the momentum in my speech

then he comes back with all the answers

to nothing I asked

same thoughts with slight repetition

i forget the rest

nothing else matters

believe

2012-01-15T19:45:00.000-08:00

©J and J photography

this trip of a lifetime over the seas

hands held tightly with gentle attention to overindulge

just what i've always wanted

spare no expense on this one

it will all be gone before you

the only care, oceans blue

i watch him wonder through wandering

wishing this trip will never end

we are the same in this life

the shadow beneath us

so small in comparison

together we reach such great heights

alive in what feels like a dream

escaping all else with the world on pause

and finding the rest seek

maybe perfect can exist

paper bag

2011-11-27T08:07:00.000-08:00

so he says we're all the same

only the names have changed

repeating the monotony

i'm excited in my calm

between the strokes of madness

and pill popping candy show

and we converge on this point where all trains stop

stop motion video watches every move

as we sits idly by, watching time fly

she will tell you the way, when you stop to listen

she's been there before

and returned with more than just the right answers

truth

i overhear his beats pulsing mildly beside me

bored in my bound paper bag

and watching as he exhales

this hole is just small enough

to let the last remaining breath escape

unkept

still held

careful

2011-11-14T12:15:00.000-08:00

©CNirvana

model: the ever perfect Red~

I only drive too fast on roads that require attention

great care to swerve to the right

then back to the left

debating with this necessity to slow down

watching carefully as the arrows point in the wrong direction

maybe I am a figment of your imagination

but sometimes I feel far too real

this trajectory for all others

stagnating the one who needs it most

I put myself to bed for fear of need to sleep

and as the clocks fall back

my dreams fly forward

I'll never hold you again like that day

almost perfect

2011-10-20T21:34:00.000-07:00

so I concede to ride in the back seat, hands crossed neatly in my lap

lazily laid back

with the wind of the night air blowing the delicate curl past my ear

it feels good

brushing against my cheek

tickling the nape of my neck

those delicate tendrils

I miss my fingers in your hair

and as the doctor tells me so

I lock myself in the bathroom,

whisper only to those that can hear

and bid the world goodnight

the only one I need will

never leave

perfect still doesn't exist

gone so long

2011-09-26T19:58:00.000-07:00

sitting sipping all the wrong flavors

and filling spaces, not intending

moving through the paper cup to the

lips, mine

yours

waiting around for you

again

and still perpetuating this line of focus

holding the fill line to the point of spillage

tip the cup

and it all over flows

sorry to keep you waiting

i know you always will

follow me home

because this song tells you to

and try as we might, we will always agree

on the right tune

you caught me

2011-07-31T20:24:00.000-07:00

©CNirvana

random stream of consciousness
pause
when you actually start to listen, i start to not say

here's how it works...
ready?
set, go

i don't know what more to ask for
all that you give is all that i get
just what i need and
all i could want

poignant song on repeat
yeah i'm talking to you

i cant hear you through
all my distraction
but you are all that i am

windswept

2011-07-27T22:42:00.000-07:00

©CNirvana

~Sophie~

this gentle blowing breeze dropped me
right in front of you, purposeful intent

making momentary monumental seem like already forgotten
she watched me walk away as i began
falling behind on making forward progression

this noise you make, like hissing air
let me fill your void
that one you never knew was there

we missed the show, as we always do
not to worry though
the encore is always more satisfying

believe the hype

2011-07-26T22:51:00.000-07:00

©CNirvana

ever had the moment when you know your world will change?
ever felt more connected to a person based on a single sentence?
ever learned a lesson that you thought you didn't need?
ever tripped and fell and realized the bruise just didn't hurt?
ever changed a life?

pick one. or try them all...

Still reeling from my workshop with Joyce Tenneson, one of my photographic idols and an amazing teacher. One week of my life, kick started the rest.

to be continued...

the photograph

2011-07-18T23:18:00.000-07:00

This week i surround myself with like minded artists and talent grander than
words can surround. I'm continually inspired by the images i see and
intrigued by the stories behind them. Any photograph that i remember
for more than a moment, has a resonance based on the
emotive impact that it holds for me.

Tonight I sat and watched an immensely, emotionally charged
presentation from Sam Abell,who's work i've admire since his
National Geographic days. Iconic is a word that could describe
the imagery he produces. But more than that, is the fact that he's an excellent teacher.
Possibly one of the best 30 minute presentations I've seen thus far
in my life.

He showcased some of his most widely published shots and paired them
with the shots leading up to the one. Watching the light, changing the angle, waiting for
that perfect moment.

"Setting, expression, gesture. That's all there is", according to Mr. Abell. He proves it with
photographs that literally brought me to tears.

He also touched on his book, "Stay This Moment".
Titled, based on the reference of Virginia Woolf's words, "If one does not lie back and sum up and say to the moment, this very moment, stay you are so fair, what will be one's gain, dying? No: stay, this moment. No one ever says that enough."

A truer statement, never there was...

Above all, it's hard learning to live with vivid mental images of scenes I cared for and failed to photograph. It is the edgy existence within me of these unmade images that is the only assurance that the best photographs are yet to be made. - Sam Abell, Stay This Moment : The Photographs of Sam Abell by Sam Abell

I leave this note with no image. tomorrow i may have created one worth showing.

For more info on how to work with the masters and explore the spectacular beauty of the local countryside, check out Maine Media Workshops. I can say with just a taste so far, its worth it.

Thanks LK. You mean the world to me...

quiet

2011-07-17T09:25:00.000-07:00

©Yoram Roth

NYC

the orchestrated flow of sound

gently fills the air

as all the night owls

close their eyes

the world is quick to fall asleep

inconsequential dissonance breaking up the quiet

so we wait for dawn

another day

when all the noise will go

away

2011-07-05T23:01:00.000-07:00

these words slip out without a sound
with hesitated awkwardness making pause
i know you've missed me
yet this distance still grows

farther now, yet close between
just one more reach to
take it all away

this telephone cord that binds my ankles,
cutting that all important flow
one more step and i may fall

twisted merriment swimming in swamp water
with that lasting phrase flipping circles in this shallow pond

where does it all stop
and when does it begin?

lost not found

2011-05-21T19:36:00.000-07:00

©Chip Willis

a card full of memories
swallowed by the abyss of the erasure
lost but only slightly faded

covered in dirt and riddled with chills
she waits to find it all

an impossible mission
dauntingly forgettable
never mind the unended-ness

she gallops off into the darkness
with determined hope
and realistic fear

GWC

2011-05-03T09:18:00.000-07:00

i've been working on my portraits. i think i'm getting better. still just a girl with a camera...

finally

2011-04-09T20:53:00.000-07:00

I've been focusing fully on my other "self" lately, shooting lots of pretty pictures of munchkins, hot chicks and commercial jobs. In the midst, I have bordered on ignoring the model me that is currently featured in Carrie Leigh's NUDE. 8 pg spread with work from some of my favorites, Vernon Trent, Dave Aharonian, April-Lea Hutchinson to name a few. The article's not bad either. To quote a friend "I learned some new things about you." Lots of questions answered...

A fantastic art publication that seems to be published quarterly but missed its mark for this issue. Nonetheless, its available now. Seemingly only through the website, so its my duty to post it here!

Go here for your Current Issue of NUDE Get one, you'll like it. Get two and ill sign it :)

on the road

2011-03-28T22:02:00.000-07:00

©CNirvana

Finished it.

the book. this leg of the journey.

heading home.

for a day, maybe two.

alone in another hotel room, i entertain myself...

Looking

2011-03-11T20:32:00.001-08:00

© zvaal

Looking for something you'll never find

Searching for something you just can't see

Waiting for something just right

Content with right now

Perfect...

All you'll ever need.

sometimes

2011-02-25T14:52:00.000-08:00

©Rogier Jansen- NYC

you're right. this one is just about you...

last sleep

2011-02-22T09:30:00.000-08:00

'you're pretty in the dark' is all i can muster

as i watch you sleeping peacefully

and the light of day creeps in to break our silence

i can't sleep again

my head hurts from all the circles

i've been running

in my dreams

my eyes water as my head throbs

with the weight of this lovestruck hangover

often too much to bear

the wishing wanting waiting worried

that I may miss you more than most

is what weighs heaviest on my

burdened soul

sighing, in the breathless air

just to feel you breathe again,

your wind on my cheek

and breeze in my hair

longing to be wrapped within the strength of your arms

whisper in your ear

as you hold me tight enough to let me fall asleep

what i really miss

chicks rule!

2011-02-10T20:47:00.000-08:00

©Zoe Wiseman

there's this energy and enthusiasm when i get to work with another female, whether its in front or behind the lens. i feel a sense of sisterhood, empowerment and all that shit that sounds made up. its there, its easier. there's this thing that's removed when its two ladies creating art. i love what i do, internally, creatively, inherently. it shows, i hope. and when i collaborate with someone as talented on both sides of the lens as well, well... its this!!!

in a matter of moments, we create these things that just work. floor, hallway, light and dark. half hour later. yeah, we're done. satisfied.

here's a few more, courtesy of zoe wiseman. look her up. she's rad!

another day

2011-02-09T23:40:00.000-08:00

©Malcolm Grant

in the mix of monotony and variety that my life has become to be, sometimes i have a shoot that consists of a few consecutive minutes. these minutes compound, mixed with friendly banter, humorous interaction and often pure delight in the connection with the photographer and congeal into a sequential hour. and by the end of that hour its time to have a beer.

sometimes those few moments are just enough. to date, my shortest shoots with some of my favorite people have produced the greatest results. here are a few from an hour of one of my last days in sydney. i left my heart there. ill be back soon

more soon from another shoot with my good friend, zoe wiseman... about 30 minutes of our lives completed, finished with an equally satisfying massage. yeah my life is that great. be jealous.

happiness is

2011-01-26T00:11:00.000-08:00

the three sisters- Katoomba, NSW

enjoying a sweltering hot day in the crispness of a refreshing waterfall

gazing out at the sunset with my naked feet
planted firmly in the sand,
where I always long to be

casually running into a bouncing kangaroo, your curiosity is as much as mine

sitting peacefully in the freshly cut grass and
watching the most beautiful birds flap their wings as they sing to me
i've never heard a song as sweet

wandering along a treelined path with the fragrant aroma of eucalyptus filling the air
i take that smell home with me but its never the same

riding the back of a motorbike
holding tightly as we twist down the windy road
watching the world fly by

hiking through the bush, traversing the most interesting the terrain
with the gentle dewey raindrops splashing my cheeks

peering out into the distance, amongst the trees
as far as the eye can see
surrounded by towering peaks of powerful rocks
that seemingly climb for clouds

wandering arm in arm through the effervescent, always entertaining nightlife of the city as it twinkles, sparkles and fades to sleep

just a few happiest moments of the land that captured me
australia take me back, and keep me...
thank you to all my friends, new and old for making my adventure the best yet. next time may be longer.

Breathless

2011-01-18T08:51:00.001-08:00

© CNirvana
my muse-jessamyn

looked into the crystal blue of her glowing eyes and all I could smell was roses
how does one get so sweet?

she lay twisted in the light of the sun
gazing, as she does
moving like the song stuck in my mind that always sings me to sleep

and as i dreamt of a time before her
the rest of my memories disappeared
this is all I want to remember

don't worry

2011-01-16T17:15:00.000-08:00

brisbane, QLD

i've made it through. brisbane didn't swallow me nor any of my friends. it didn't even rain.
i am lucky, warm and dry, for as long as i can.
living life as a tourist in western australia this week then heading back to where i may stay.
ill be home eventually, when i find my way.

some people weren't as lucky as i am. to help those desperately in need that have lost please donate to the efforts. a little can go a long way. they are cleaning up slowly but the damage is harsh.

http://www.qld.gov.au/floods/donate.html

every bit is appreciated.

waiting

2011-01-13T05:30:00.000-08:00

model: elizabeth- GOR, VIC 2011

driving along the great ocean road
where the earth meets the sand
in the distance the world evaporates
swallowed by the seemingly endless fog

blending earth to air
in the middle they meet, and then disappear
he takes the wheel and let's me steer
as we wind around the twisted road to the end of nowhere

his waiting keeps waited
as we wander the roadways in search of the perfect shot
sprinkled with fairy dust and twinkled with mystery
hidden behind the last curve

is what we've been searching for

Quiet still

2011-01-06T06:30:00.001-08:00

© carsten burmeister- Sydney, NSW

it rains backwards
on the reversal of the sun
tiny droplets flying up

i sing this song a little louder this time
not so that you can hear me,
but so that I will listen

and waiting for the quiet of night,
the solitude of darkness
when the world of spiders nests
can calmly rest

inspired by softness
motivated by glow
i close my eyes,
to really let the light in

Bucket list

2011-01-05T14:47:00.001-08:00

Checking it off
Dreams are good, reality is better
Call your mom, she misses you

Happy 2011.

Merry

2010-12-25T06:58:00.000-08:00

Christmas to all...

Right

2010-12-15T20:44:00.001-08:00

they say

2010-12-14T21:44:00.000-08:00

model credit: carly erin

change of plans, as the hands spin round
i met you at the right time, since time is all we have
when the slow to motion rolling backwards
to forward
stops

you don't know what you want
i don't know what i need
said lying through the perfectly whitened teeth

the lines blurred ever slightly
yet painfully clear, in the nowhere near
try as we might

its all right there in front of you
fingers touching vastly vapid air
push me down this mountain, he says

just that little nudge to send me where i should
partner in crime not where he stood
but in the back of my mind ill always
save an empty pocket for you

maybe was

2010-12-08T22:59:00.000-08:00

singing to the sounds of the songs in my head
listening to the beat of the throbbing underneath
and when you really stop to listen
it all goes away
then the lack of missing finds it's place

i don't remember you
the way you smell
dissipates far too quickly
when I look away

but the sound of your voice still
echoes in my dreams
the way you say you love me
and then you tell me that
everything will be ok

I believe you
even if you aren't real

good eye

2010-12-06T23:41:00.001-08:00

© Steve Billups

and when I start to think the ducks make a line
one jumps out and starts to swim

and when the last bough breaks sending me flying
the wonder of where to land sinks in

and when he calls my name louder than that childhood whistle,
the one that always brought me home
i realize it no longer exists

and when the rhyme of the lyrics surpasses the tune
it's time to buy a new record
this one just doesn't play anymore

i miss the sounds of that broken jukebox
and how it always had a new song for me

2010-12-02T15:33:00.000-08:00

after I left you, it all fell away
the wind blew with that directional pull
that seemed to drag the paint off the walls
and made the floor creak as if carried away by mice

that day
when nothing seemed to make sense
regardless of the circles i made around myself

wrapped in the warmth of the faux autumn day
dancing with the fallen leaves to the rhythm
of that last song

the last one I heard, standing next to you
it seems louder the farther away i get
sing to me like you always do
i'll promise not to listen

2010-11-25T22:31:00.000-08:00

lonely leaves lay buried
between the longing and forgotten
fallen and faded
waiting to blow away

the bare limbs look down upon the discarded
patiently awaiting the clouded sky to break
with autumn's first fall

long, cold shadows pave the way
on the path of least resistance
as the golden light begins to fade

nipping at the nape of the naked throat
this chill shivers straight through to bone
knocking gently on the door of tomorrow

today I miss you
and by the day that follows,
you'll be nothing more than
the residue of the dream from which I awoke

sit stay

2010-11-18T20:27:00.000-08:00

©Chip Bulgin

i sit surrounded by sleepy potential passengers
wasting the waiting with pocket computers in hand
yes, this seat is open
please, may I?

baffled yet not surprised by all fingers punching buttons
as the world around us seems to disappear
6am in the universe and all is well
lost in the where ever you want to be
Tap tap tap
Click. Send.

those that don't play along, chat quietly of the upcoming day
the day that's passed
the day that will never come

yes I am watching you, and her too
people watcher, it's what I do

assess, confess, digress, de-stress

and sir, you should really consider not smoking so much
the odorific aura you project ain't a sweet one, hence the empty seat

at the sound of the tone, the time will be just about now
please discontinue use of all electronic equipment and stow below the seat in front of you
thank you and goodnight

66

2010-11-10T21:16:00.000-08:00

~waiting~

"You walked in
Just like smoke
With a little come on, come on, come on
In your walk
Well, come on
I've been waitin'
Are you waitin?
For my move, well I'm makin' it
So tell me baby, can you shake it?
If I can move it with ya
Will you let me take it?

I'll be down on my knees
Screamin' take me, take me, take me, take me
I'm yours
I've never felt so out of control
You don't even know what you're doin' to me
Come on and do it to me

Don'tcha stop
Come on, come on
Come on little rabbit
Show me where you got it
'Cuz I know you got a habit"

66-afghan whigs
Greg Dulli is brilliant and i found him thanks to that man. i do thank you...

this song sings in my dreams and i wake up there soon

lock and key

2010-10-30T22:02:00.000-07:00

©CNirvana

~the amazing Stephanie Anne

when i run away will you remember me?
insert broken memories
push play as we move along the waterside
sliding by...
i apologize
the fast forward button got stuck again
again

lets just sit and wait awhile and watch the flowers grow
you know, they will be pretty one day
the you mixed with me
little soon to be's
happy fairytaled make believe

when this lock can find its key

last

2010-10-23T02:21:00.000-07:00

as I stand on the edge, teetering between here and too far
waiting for just the right moment to jump in and swim away
standing, watching breathlessly as the clouds dissipate
breaking ever so slightly to reveal that imminent light
that i've been waiting for

bathe me in the glowing light that seems to wash me clean
a baptism of sorts, the kind where the end and the beginning meet
keep me in your glow, hold me tighter
dip me once and then again

as if this were my last bath, breath
the only one ill never need
the only one

swimming swans float along the waterside
i watch them as they gaze, then take the long way round
back to the opening of my mind
the beginnings end

as the bells toll telling me its that time again
i finally feel whole
eyes closed and dreaming

completely elevated, frolicking in the moon bounce
with the elasticity of the never ending
hold your breath again
you'll see

just a piece

2010-10-17T13:42:00.000-07:00

east side gallery, berlin~

watching carefully as the swelling puddles fill with the misty droplets of deliberate rain
it falls from the gray and dimly lit sky with a purpose and intent like i've never before seen
this expected deliverance of gloom fills the air, but life
as they know it continues, wrapped tightly in scarves and goulashes

walking the stream of the brightly colored wall
sprinkled with umbrellas and camera toting tourists

here we all stand, connected and separate in the lack of unification
what remains of this great wall whispers stories of past and future
and sits daintily painted for the rest of the world to see
the glimmer of the setting sun in the distance bounces around

and disappears
we all walk away in different directions and end up in the same place

charmed life

2010-10-12T11:10:00.000-07:00

prancing down the ocean line with my toes between the sand
skipping like the little girl that wanders without a care
seashells and sunsets, ahh the simple life

wings spread wide, watch her fly

life is a holiday
reality shall wait

and as the stars twinkle and glow
exposing the endless view in to tomorrow
laying in the dampness of the grass becomes the only thing

you can see it all here
before, after and forever
these seconds compounded to last in the eternity of memory
caught in the butterfly net, exactly where i should be

next to me

2010-10-11T15:59:00.000-07:00

toast the stranger next to me with my plastic cup of cheap wine
arrival time, sooner than I think
as the turbulence begins to mount, the one thing that grounds me sets in
my calming memory

watching the little feet as she squirms in her slumber
hold me while I sleep next to your heart beat
her little hands wave and wander as she dreams of little things
perfection found in the yet to be

wings clipped to ground the little bird
flutterby right to where the 'should be' lies
you hear me now as your voice bounces around my brain
like the music of the wild horse tamer

flying farther with a return ticket stamped and dated
the itinerary yet to be determined
but the story will be nothing short of amazing
soon to be
and nothing less

listen to me

2010-10-06T07:30:00.000-07:00

looking down the diner line, watching the interaction of the coupled pairs pretend reacting. she holds her face in lame attempts to hold back the tears, in fear of revealing the person that she really is. real emotion released in public is rarely appropriate. "if I pull my hair perhaps that will help fight my reality". as she carries on the almost story that she fears to tell, the boy in the next booth sits comfortably beside his lover.

the two chat about this and that, looking lovingly at each other from across the greasy table.
"Rub my head again like you do our puppy. I do so love when you touch me there."
wistful gaze smiling gently as mouths fill full of food.

and behind them the conversation of a missed connection ensues. "I'm sorry I didn't invite you to my wedding. I didn't think my wife would want to meet a girl I used to fuck", he says. "It's ok, I had a baby shower anyway", she retorts. embarrassed to listen to the trip to hawaii, staring at the band around his finger. poignantly proving she is not the one.

and down the line sits mom and daughter. happy little sprite amused with the noise of life that surrounds her. smiling gaily at the strangers ways, as mom pouts and sulks in the corner. some people shouldn't have children.

little one's completely entertained by next to nothing as mom wallows in her self absorption. the magical mind of a child continues to baffle and bemuse.
your innocence is not lost on me...

wet

2010-09-30T15:50:00.000-07:00

delicately dipping the toes in, just wet enough

splashing around the warm puddle
while wading in the kiddie pool

this is comfort

tripped and fell in the deep end

dive deep little swimmer
submerge and swallow the waves

and let them wash you clean

your arms are stronger now

so the break doesn't seem as rough

this is the beginning

those who wait

2010-09-27T10:17:00.000-07:00

©Michael Cordiez

this story continues from the one that never was but always will be
continuation of a life not quite remembered with
the familiarity shared in silent syncopation

a rhythm that needs no sound
i've felt this all before she says
as he whispers the same

the scent of longing lingers in her hair, that all too perfect smell
closed eyes breath and open mouths exhale
missing before the gone

skipped beat lying lonely just for a moment
good things come...

shadow of a dove

2010-09-23T15:15:00.000-07:00

behind my eyes, i dreamt of the black dove
flying around in misguided circles
swaying in the breeze as they often do
with no real intent or destination

with its ghostly shape of the silhouetted shadow
fluttering wings whisk by my coated eyelashes
wish i may, wish i might
have this wish i wish tonight

keep them closed, for you may see
the imaginary darkness of the wishing
wisher swishing the light to catch the day
caught again
and put on my arm where it will forever stay

lit up

2010-09-22T06:42:00.000-07:00

©Noah Kalina

shades drawn tightly, and he asks me to close the door

nodding in his direction, compliantly i listen
and watch the remainder of light dance round

i hear her in the distance, moaning quietly to herself
faintly, just far enough for the imagination to wonder
will she?

speaking as he did, with the words that seem spoken backwards
his poetic nonsense making sense with the gentle caress
of that lingering finger
wandering the folds of flesh and finding new ways
to dissimulate the reality of all too real

progression

2010-09-06T19:47:00.000-07:00

©Justin Lane

tormented distrust disrupting the tousled trounces

the clapping of the thunder bolting inside, louder

angst ridden wanting while waiting, wading tall grasses

he found a snake that wouldn't bite

its poison all ran out so it just lay there, restless

take my pain away

another

2010-08-27T07:17:00.000-07:00

©Micheal Cordiez

after many hours of mindless riding, watching the lights and hearing the sounds of the world that surrounds me, i finally arrive home. to the city that keeps me, not necessarily my actual bed that i own. how does one get so attached to a place? when do you know that its actually where you belong? what is it that i'm so in love with? or is it merely fleeing that which doesn't fit, yet again... a pattern. perhaps.

go with what fits. happy will follow.
thanks for the advice. i need it.

say good bye, say hello. so much can be done in a day.

Life is Beautiful

2010-08-24T21:58:00.000-07:00

when one day seems the same as the next based on the lack of originality, mostly in my work, partly in the lack of self challenge, what do you do? you meet someone who has a much more interesting story than you and go for a swim.

what do you say to a man who has seen and done it all? who has spent the entirety of his memorable life with his one true love. the first date was skipped. he met her at age 13, she was 12 and at that first glance he knew. under the old oak tree, they held hands, had their first kiss and decided there was nothing else to search for. renewing my faith that love at first sight is still a viable option.

fifty years later, against all odds and norms of society, they are still happily married. blissfully sharing the rest of their eternity. sharing stories, creating memories and perpetuating a life well lived. together.

we chat about music and photography. he teaches me about people almost forgotten and i listen intently to my nonchalant storyteller. this knowledgeable zeida (yiddish for grandfather) exclaims other terminology that i may never have otherwise heard. when you listen, you just may learn something.

i finish my night with another watch of 'Life is Beautiful' by the forever fantastic Roberto Benigini. a movie personally connected to DG, his story is endlessly fascinating and i cant wait to hear more. thanks for the reminder.

'you sleep now. dream sweet dreams. maybe we are both dreaming. maybe this is all a dream, and in the morning Mommy will wake us up with milk and cookies'

one day life will be that simple...

incidental interaction

2010-08-22T21:18:00.000-07:00

©Zoe Wiseman

he made me a drink as i gladly accepted and went up to my room to read and wonder, wander the pages, searching for the spot in my mind where nothing but the words are allowed. the stories of the mishaps flooding the headlines creep in, mixed with the voice of my beloved music man with the power to make the world disappear. he sings to me regardless of my dedication to the focus at hand. voice enveloping my mind and diving in to my soul.

"every time you get a drink
and every time you go to sleep
are those dreams inside your head
is there sunlight on your bed"

the one man i can crave without remorse, the one that i have no desire to actually have. i hear you reading and know you're watching in the silence of your darkness, that place where she can sit beside you and hold your hand and make you forget that you already forgot who you are. it's terrible love, when the waves of monotony become habitual. here we are again. same damn circle. excuse me sir, this is my exit. time to get off. you already missed your turn...

neglected

2010-08-21T18:47:00.000-07:00

learning new things about new people has become the most enjoyable part of my day. listening to those seemingly innate conversations between him and her about this that they dare not say louder than that. the education of the little one who seems to be in complete control of all that surrounds her. she wants one, so just give it to her. round and round the circle fly the cars that used to be so grounded. faster as they spin off track to the collision course of the imagination that leads to the place in the beginning. back where they began to see that it really never mattered. there's no place i'd rather be. you know. that place called...

skip, hop, jumping to the next thing that's on the agenda. the never ending list of to-do. growing anxiety ridden piece of paper with the chewed off edges. you finished that one, didn't you? i thought i knew the answer to the last question but than i realized that the words that i thought were in order no longer made sense. and that damn knot is back again, the one that crashed the last car. speed bump. road kill. off to seek the magic man. he has all the answers, even to those that have yet to be asked.
what do you want to know?

consequences

2010-08-09T22:51:00.000-07:00

losing myself in the world of a 4 year old, i bounce on the trampoline mindlessly. giggling and forgetting about life, reality, responsibility... until he asks me to show him a trick. my mind freezes as i feverishly try to come up with something that would interest this little man, that he may never have seen before, that i can still pull off without the fear of adulthood in the way.

i've never been one to be afraid, never hesitate when asked to jump out of a plane or off a cliff into the ocean 50 feet below or hang from a tree that could be my last. all of these things i've volunteered for actually. yet this moment when i bounce closer to the ground than any tree i've climbed, with memories of backflips and impressive acrobatics that would wow any 4 year old, i'm stunted. i'm caught in my own self doubt, in my own hesitation, in the place in my brain where i'm no longer invincible.

that place where tinkerbell's fairy dust wears off and i plummet to the earth below. oh tink, why'd you have to let me go?

sense of consequence...

some of us have it. some of us skip that part of adulthood and just continue life as if nothing else matters. this is all there is, so why think past right now? for every action there is a reaction and its not always pleasant. that's why we have health insurance. that's why we say 'I'm sorry'. that's why we think before we jump. right?

so, i showed him my best back flip (from the starting position of on my knees) and he was impressed. it doesn't take much when nothing but the little things matter.

forgotten

2010-08-07T07:31:00.000-07:00

lost stuffed teddy bear found on highway side
wonder who would leave him behind
cruising with the yellow birds
listening to the singing praises as they preach
perched on the sil of this here window-
washer watching
what they whisper loudly, telling all his secrets
and leaving the lost lover where he lies, under his starry night

Alice feel asleep again as she thought she watched the second hand
drifting off to merry dreamland
'Just don't change a thing', she thinks,
as her ring changes from blue to pink

the sleepy field mouse looks strangely like that rat
those beady eyes glow in the dark as dreams change to
nightmarish...

Pause. Rewind.

the erasure begins to unwind
the faceless hands
of times twisted sense of mind.

go back to sleep young thing. it was nothing more than a bad dream.

tossed aside

2010-07-29T22:14:00.000-07:00

©Michael Cordiez

~special guest- Stephanie Anne

thrown off course when the navigation died, the thing that provides such comfort in times of need

swerving to avoid the puddles that envelope the world above and below

ditching dodges as the hole filled vacancies begin to grow

when there's nothing to listen to, the noise of the globe seems deafening in its silence

you're too smart to remember the way it sounded before the quiet, this still place

timeless, in its lack there of

coated in windless memories, singing softly behind the mirrored images of the long lost seashells

the approaching tree, knocked over in a fit of fury

it had to go when its time had come, riddled with poison and ready to die

the only thing tossed aside

still

2010-07-23T22:21:00.000-07:00

©George Pitts

I don't want to be a distraction
I want to be the carnival, he says

subtracting the glowing lights of the monotony
and the cacophonous circling of that last one
filling the hole with rawness of the prickly perfections
leaving the lost of the languid lips licked

as the rambling digresses into the soft swirl of
the merry-go-round, we spin in the direction of the sun
hands extended, connected, clasped as one

inception

2010-07-22T20:59:00.000-07:00

one thought can transform your reality
one idea dropped in the wrong place in your mind
swirls life as you know it, out of control
one memory held too tightly sends the rest of you to drown
swimming in circles, til the circles swell and swallow
the world around you may not be real
what do you believe when the dream is reality?

"You're waiting for a train. A train that will take you far away. You can't be sure where it will take you. But it doesn't matter - because we'll be together."

Christopher Nolan is a genius. see the movie and watch it again.

tipped

2010-07-19T21:11:00.000-07:00

©CNirvana

half full

empty

future past

2010-07-12T22:57:00.000-07:00

baby candace and her little sister, 1980

"I have this theory that I'll die someday, so I don't want to miss anything" he says.

the soldier, sailor, artist, daddy repeats to himself in front of me. which job is most important? which will be the most remembered? which is the most important to him? all that really matters. "there she goes my beautiful world" nick cave is a magician, a poet and a dream creater... i wait patiently to meet his little man and capture the moment of daddy with his new shadow, partner, flesh and blood. those seconds are the things that never die.

today i went to breakfast and sat in a diner by myself, listening to really great 50's bands and music that makes me smile. when i left, i gave a single dollar to a man on the corner. he responded with the most genuine heart felt smile i may ever see. i've felt that endless, unrequited love before. i've seen that look in eyes that have no home.

that moment, i will keep forever.

that smile, may have changed me as a person. i need that hope. i need that need outside of myself because without that... thing, the little thing, we are self involved pigs that swallow our own souls and die alone. without that moment of hesitation that stops us on the street corner, life itself may be lost. don't lose that moment. it may be the one right before the bus full of fat people....

the past

2010-07-02T08:48:00.000-07:00

~amber g. in the sun...

yesterday i fell out of a tree. it was my choice. technically i jumped but was afraid to let go. i fought the tree and the tree won.

yesterday i got some really bad news of the worst kind, but is was given with a grain of salt and taken with an exceptional amount of hope. perspective is all we have when there's nothing left. perspective is everything.

yesterday i went to bed early after a long and chilly day. today i woke up to the sunrise and the rain bouncing off the roof in a pattern fit to dance to. yesterday is gone. learn from it. leave it. move on.

happy

2010-06-22T19:34:00.000-07:00

there's nothing left to say

melting

2010-06-15T14:39:00.000-07:00

©JMG

grand anticipation and the next go round
sound synonym similar
song- like bird baby.
i miss you.
you, that one
not that one
as the moments pass and change and gazing on eternally, internally into
that which is not yet to be seen, only imagined and, well,
come together now and see what i really mean.

she lays drooling beside me as i lay fit to be tied.
who wins this game, when no one's taking score?

those girls

2010-06-14T19:38:00.000-07:00

Meet Sara~

this weekend i made lame attempts at shooting model portfolios. my girlfriend has a promotional agency and her ladies are in desperate need of new images. in hops candace. the "models" aren't actually models at all which made my job slightly more challenging.

i realized painfully quickly that even with all my experience in front of the camera i'm clueless as to how to direct a model. (hence the book, coming soon... it wont be long now.) i've been fortunate enough in my shooting to work with amazing talent, spoiled. also an added addition to the ease of great shots is the fact that i know most of my models, and know them well. these ladies were fun but ultimately i fall back to my true love.

munchkins

Julianna- again and always

a good friend said i'm better with babies. "magical even". i believe he's right.
and that makes me happy.

number 3

2010-06-09T05:05:00.000-07:00

©Vernon Trent

when nobody's looking
when no one is around
i turn the music up loud

and i dance...

Images by the amazing Vernon Trent, third shoot and continually stunning. http://www.vernontrent.com/
The book is coming soon...

that song

2010-06-06T19:02:00.000-07:00

music is a huge part of my day, my life, my sanity. i've recently fallen for The National, a brooklyn-based indie rock band with an infectious contagion. i've seen quite a few bands live and get off on the crowd surrounding me (even in my claustrophobia) mixed with the pulse of the vibrating sound, regardless of if the show is technically good or not. i can honestly say that last night was the best show i've seen to date. proximity to the stage, quality of the sound (surprising, coming from the known shit acoustics of the electric factory) and sheer entertainment factor was exceptional. electric. moving. perfect.
i'm in love.

not to mention the mini pre-show at breakfast. these guys are amazing. simply put. i will forever be a fan.

and the song i waited for...

"Abel, come on, give me a reason
I am not as bright as I could be
Abel, come on, take me with you
Everything has all gone down wrong"

Abel- High Violet, The National... nearly brought me to tears

when you finally get what you've been waiting for, sit back, watch, and be grateful

forever

2010-06-02T13:12:00.000-07:00

©LORNOGRAPHY

Thanks Lorna and Amber!~

every now and then someone stumbles in to life and finds that perfect place. just the right fit. better half and can't live without. friend, confidant, partner, muse. sometimes all those things in one person and life seems complete.

inspired, confident, content and happy. i found those things, here.

and there.

caught

2010-06-01T10:18:00.000-07:00

time is running out as the days pass quickly. i quit, she says. she lies and knows the impossibility of the final days are too far away. you like me, you really like me. why should i stop? just because i said i would, could, should? you're right but not always right. right? stop. go. maybe slow, wait too slow. faster.
shit.
there's that wall again. always in my way. run away.

goodnight moon

2010-05-21T23:06:00.000-07:00

©Cnirvana

lying lonely under the moonlit skyline in the city of not so easy livin'. twilight missed with sleepy slumber, trapped under the covers of worn out and wanting. still the sun soon to seek the day, lazy saturday full of sparkling lights and missions to the other side. wandering willingly towards the happy place, closer please.

when the day seems to never end the never ending. this momentary pause seems endless yet somehow appropriately placed.

come back to me moon. we've only just begun.

missing

2010-05-18T20:32:00.000-07:00

its never over. you do these things with your hands that intrigue and inspire me. when i stop, there's really nothing else to see. its there in front of me.
i've never had a lover like you. that's not fair, but it's true.

eaten

2010-05-12T12:11:00.000-07:00

©CNirvana

Julianna- my favorite little model

life can be overwhelming. sometimes we bite off more than we can chew. i pause from my days of editing and sore back to take note of what's ahead of me. a few days of solid work, work, work balanced with a day and a half of doesn't really matter as long, as im not in front of the mac. sometimes its good to run away. disappear. pause from the rat race and just enjoy that moment.

here, there or somewhere

2010-05-11T21:55:00.000-07:00

the lovely lorna doone

when love goes slow, the mindful somber sounds more like the missed solidity

with the palpatation of the violin drowning out the side street mascarade

this lesson learned skewed slightly left of center as the motion to secede is rescinded

second thoughts of last regrets wilt silently beside the newly found fertilizer

of the freshly dead petals mixed with stems, seeds and sorrowed

the image of the solemn boy, not soon forgotten

walk away if you can, stay if you must

here it comes, hold your breathe

the moment you've been waiting for, or...

that day

2010-04-29T21:12:00.000-07:00

©Duncan Hall

when the world spins faster to the pace of the just cant stand anymore and balance seems as though its the only unattainable thing, the noise of that one thing you really want to hear goes silent, listless, quiet, in its lackluster deafness of this imagined finale that lies between that which you thought you knew and that which is spoken. the lies that emanate behind the hidden intentions of the almost thought truth and there are those words again that sound like the music but feel like the swords that cut so permanently that withstanding the blow becomes this never ending chore, task, challenge and necessity. self indulged and proposed necessity. the once thought feasible feat eats and twists in its tormenting tornado volcano of an eruption of never ending ash. the scorched and burnt falling towards the earth or what remains of the torched flesh and embers float amongst the cool breeze of the stifled wind. choked and smothered, yet still marching ahead. the path covered in dirt and grim leads to the cacophonous end

what are you going to do with your life?

2010-04-20T20:18:00.000-07:00

~Julianna in her innocence~

If I knew now what I knew then
I'd wonder how not wonder when
There's something going wrong again
With me and mine
It's only ever what it seems
Memories and might have beens
Heaven's scent: the smell of dreams
We'll never find
Tell me... tell me... tell me...

What are you going to do with your life?
What are you going to do with your life?
What are you going to do?
What are you going to be?
What am I going to do?
I'm going to be me be me be me

If I could see what you can see
The sun still shining out of me
I'd be the boy I used to be
When love was blind
I'd let the light back in again
And walk you to the tunnel's end
I'll be yours and maybe then
You'll be mine
Tell me... tell me... tell me...

I will if you will... follow me down

Echo and the bunnymen- "What are you going to do with your life?"

a song ill love forever...

last night i dreamt...

2010-04-17T22:42:00.000-07:00

The amazing Sarah Ellis

©C-Nirvana

Last night I dreamt
That somebody loved me
No hope, but no harm
Just another false alarm

Last night I felt
real arms around me
No hope, no harm
Just another false alarm

So, tell me how long
Before the last one ?
And tell me how long
Before the right one ?

The story is old - I KNOW
But it goes on
The story is old - I KNOW
But it goes on

Oh, GOES ON
And on
Oh, goes on
And on

The Smiths

these are the days of our lives

2010-04-16T19:28:00.000-07:00

sitting in the corner of the brown plaid couch, cuddling with the pillows next to great grandma as little sister sucks her thumb and kneads the turkey flesh of grammy hanner's under arm. she doesn't mind as her conscious and unconscious mind envelopes the escapades of "days of our lives", slowly progressing through the mediocre, yet some how hard to follow story line of the make believe characters who's lives seem to be never ending, full of drama, ecstasy and disappointment with no resolution until the demise of the character they play, which somehow surpasses normal lifespan or imagination by leaps and bounds. as i watch and let my mind wander off to my lonely paper dolls with their own far more interesting stories or the pile of pine needles right outside the back door that's left waiting, screaming for my little body to dive right in, i wonder what life would be like in the journey of the make believe. in this life thats created merely for afternoon entertainment, for those that can bare to watch it, live by it and project their dreams and fascinations in to it, we let our lives trickle away with the mindless drama that ensues between the commercials.

never taking those days seriously but treasuring the memories of wasting time with people that no longer have that opportunity, i pause to wait patiently as the hourglass flips over again for the millionth time in this life. "Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives." sitting here, working hard or hardly working as the line between the former and the latter blur i listen...

"And the young man looked straight forward.
And he heard the other passengers speaking of other things,
or they were reading or trying to sleep.
And they hadn't noticed the magic.
And the young man put his head to one side,
closed his eyes, and pretended to sleep.

There was nothing else to do,
just to listen to the sound of the engine,
and the sound of the tires
in the snow"

Tom Waits- Nirvana

inspiration

2010-04-15T23:31:00.000-07:00

catching corners crooked glances
little touches and sips of wine
late night nudges tip the candle
and with the burnt wick sparkling
the inspiration spins

but not tonight

2010-04-07T21:33:00.000-07:00

its tomorrow already, another day's passed
flying by these minutes into hours into
there it goes again.
the past seems so clear when you look ahead

"Oh God, it's raining
And I'm not containing
My pleasure at being
So wet

Here on my own
All on my own
How good it feels to be alone
Tonight

And I haven't felt so alive
In years"

Depeche Mode- off of Black Celebration

bizarre love triangle

2010-04-06T22:32:00.000-07:00

"Every time I think of you
I feel a shot right through with a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine
But it's a problem I find
Living a life that I can't leave behind
But there's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of the fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
well every day my confusion grows"

New Order- off of Brotherhood

and today

2010-04-05T20:24:00.000-07:00

"Learn something new everyday, or life is not worth living"
everyday is worth it, but only memorable if you take something away. write things down, they stay longer. lessons can be something simple like where your new favorite coffee spot is in a certain neighborhood or that your best friend doesn't like tomatoes any more, because inevitably, people change. sometimes faster than we would like, sometimes in ways we didn't expect, sometimes into something we no longer want to know. but you never know until you try.

Old are the words of wisdom, old
The counsels of the wise and bold:
To close the ears, to check the tongue,
To keep the pining spirit young;
To act the right, to say the true,
And to be kind whate'er you do.

-Robert Louis Stevenson ~ What Man May Learn, What Man May Do

Magician

2010-04-01T09:01:00.001-07:00

"I want some magic to sweep me away
Visit on this starlit night
replace the stars the moon the light - the sun's gone
Fly me through this storm
and wake up in the calm ...
I fly right through this storm
and ... I ... Wake ... Up ... In ... The ... Calm"

Lou reed- magician

I sleep better with you...

the only one i want

2010-03-30T20:09:00.000-07:00

©CNirvana

hand outstretched waiting for the interlocking grasp
finally combining the intoxicating ecstasy
as we inch closer to the cocooned existence

feathers flaring three miles high
and your twisted tail wraps round my ankles
in eager anticipation of floating in that deep pool

the green eyed monster stole me away
into the darkness where the shadows fade to light
and tomorrow never sleeps

2010-03-27T13:29:00.000-07:00

im trying to remember the words to
the lost song,
the one that reverberates in the box
of my dreams,
the one that sounds like sweet heaven
if only i could find the words

caught with my pants down

2010-03-26T19:49:00.000-07:00

or off

whatever...

oh my lover

2010-03-25T12:34:00.000-07:00

"oh my lover, don't you know it's alright you can love her,

and you can love me at the same time much to discover,

i know you don't have the time oh my lover' don't you know it's alright
oh my sweet thing, oh my honey thighs give me your troubles,

i'll keep them with mine take at your liesure,

take whatever you can find but oh my sweet thing,

don't you know it's alright what's that color,

forming around your eyes?

waltz my lover, tell me that it's alright just another,

before you go, go away oh my lover, why don't you just say my name"

PJ Harvey- Oh My Lover, off of Dry

asleep in the back

2010-03-24T21:33:00.000-07:00

"Were you crushed?
Did I rush you?
All my time is yours
My twisted heart is yours
The faithless shit is yours
The shameless fits of love
That only smother you for moments
'Til I fold them up and leave
All yours"

"Asleep in the Back"-elbow

who are you?

2010-03-17T07:38:00.000-07:00

baby nirvana, 1980

when the looking glass sees through to who you will be will you still fall down the hole to find her?
drink me, slowly now for fear of disappearing entirely
eat me, and you will finally be able to reach that door that you've been looking for
in the garden with the gloved rabbit, that which you once knew will no longer be
the you who arrived has forever changed becoming the you of today
who are you?
truth no longer makes sense

Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland is a visually sugar coated extension of the beloved original tale. thirteen years after her first adventure in the fairytale wonderland, she grows to realize that her reoccurring dream is no longer make believe. she conquers the jabberwocky as only she can do, and her story continues forth out of the pretend world that she once that was all in her head.

"i will miss you when i wake up"- Alice Kingsley

little things

2010-03-08T19:31:00.000-08:00

©CNirvana

the idiosyncrasies of this relationship tied with that one and that little thing you forgot to say

the omitted conversation with said forgotten person, is he really gone?

the dishes left soaking in the sink next to the coffee pot still on fire

the single rose that made me smile for weeks longer than the bouquet you bought last time we fought

the words that seem insignificant that dive deeper than the strongest swimmer

the conversation that lasted from dawn until dusk, every word remembered

the song you wrote for me because you just didnt know what to say

the way our eyes meet from across the room and the rest of the world disappears

little things make the biggest difference

Nirvana

2010-03-06T08:53:00.000-08:00

©JMG

once upon a time there was a little girl. surrounded in a world of the ending of an era. drugs and rock and roll ruled the world, mixed with greed and money or the lack there of.

in a little town called altus, OK, my parents created a band aptly named Nirvana. in the bliss of their new family, great friends and mind-fucked merriment they played hard. i found the original candace sized t-shirt baring the band name, circa 1980. faded from its original golden hue, worn well in the days before my excessive wardrobe. the band broke up shortly after but somehow the shirt still fits, relatively speaking. the memories from those days i 've constructed from the stories i heard. mom and dad tend to revel in the long gone days, when life was simple and they were young. not being much of a story teller myself, i relish in those memories and treasure them as being part of what made me who i am today.

a few months ago, a new friend gave me a t-shirt. same name, entirely different, far more recognizable band from Seattle. it wasn't until after the craze of the Nirvana fanaticism and the days of grunge that i could listen to Kurt Cobain and his band and truly appreciate their music. mom and dad, in their lame attempts at stardom could not come close to the lyrical genius and musical prowess of the second coming.

so with the new shirt, a bit oversized and without the attached memories, hanging off my body in sharp contrast to the teeny one from long ago, i had an idea. pairing the two, the story comes full circle.

i wanted to capture the shirts with their inherent stories on film. one photographer came to mind. A music aficionado and fantastic story teller, James Graham brought his film, cameras, his lighting mixed with JMG magic and the wine. he captured my intent as well as creating yet another story of his own.

"I need an easy friend
I do, With an ear to lend
I do, Think you fit this shoe
I do, But DO you have a clue?"

"about a girl" off of Bleach- Kurt Cobain

still moving

2010-03-01T10:37:00.001-08:00

flicker, fade, run to hide
this memory screams louder than the noise of that missed subway train

waiting on silence
as the dissapearing act begins
lost in the city of millions
cloaked in the obvious disguise

look left, turn right
as the Q train approaches with it's humming purr, it's gentle rumble rubs just the right spot

sitting surrounded by the sucked me in
wishing for that finish of the hot shower cleansing me of the city filth

pretty girl, long lost boy, innocence perpetuated in the miniature I heart NYC cap. has he lost his soul yet or is he still disillussioned enough to dream?

lights whiz by, glances turn away
fingers gingerly strumming the keys of the mini almost computer
"Do not lean on the door"
trouble lurks outside the gap

gap between the breathing dragon and the one may never know
the hunger gnawing at the rotting esophagus

and she paws at the corner of the music video distracing the journey to her magical land of cherub faced kisses

i lied

2010-02-24T20:41:00.000-08:00

©JMG

the only one that listens, the only one that hears
you think it will all be all right
when the ignorance goes away

obvious blinding fact of the time to go now
i want to say goodbye forever
but i sit in my silence listening to the deafening noise

this air pollution that reverberates off the empty walls
that are filled with the sighing indifference
i try to quiet my ears and the sounds in between
these breaths of hope or that which may

hoping that the gnawing will dissipate
this isn't what i thought it would be
maybe i'm the lost cause

flattered

2010-02-23T12:40:00.000-08:00

on the streets of manhattan today, walking aimlessly to catch the $10 bus, i saw an old friend. an old flame, who i haven't seen purposefully for years. in the middle of manhattan we meet, chat under the broken umbrella, share niceties and part ways. i smile when he says "you look great", dripping wet and covered in my NYC way. "You have a certain glow." he says, a phrase thats been repeated often recently. a relative stranger i met in LA last week acknowledged the same. As we sat watching the sunset sipping from the $100 bottle of wine he turns to me and says, "you sit here in your appropriately tattered jeans and old navy t-shirt and no make-up and are by far the most radiant woman here". goes to show, money doesn't make you beautiful. its something on the inside, something more valuable than dollars or the bottom line. is it something you can fake? trick yourself in to believing happy just by smiling deeply on the inside? one may never know. in the meantime...

im enjoying the changes i've created and looking forward to the subtleties that follow.

soon

2010-02-20T18:23:00.000-08:00

Amber Gangi~

©CNirvana

vibrating beast beneath me
surrounds the sounds of the humming crowd
coasting almost quietly
gliding on the air of the cloud

this ship has sailed
and carries me off to never neverland
floating in my high
drug induced euphoria

tomorrow, my favorite day of the week
soon in it's faraway timezone
"I've got to get there", she says in her impatient fury

the pause seems endless
trapped in this choking in between
soon makes me grin like that silly cheshire cat
the glowing eyes and sideway smile

tomorrow,
come quickly
then come again

all at once

2010-02-19T01:56:00.000-08:00

all at once, this phrase fills my brain. the first song plays and seems to ring the loudest with deafening clarity

"and all at once the crowd begins to sing
sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same"
~ the fray

But wait there's more...

"which way will you run
when it's always all around you
and the feelin' lost and found you again
a feelin' that we have no control"
~jack Johnson

And as the song carries on...

"all at once
I break my silence
all at once
there's no more hiding
all he wants is to
show us how he feels"
~ pete yorn

i can still feel you, and i think i might let myself

color

2010-02-11T21:42:00.000-08:00

©Red~

can you look at a picture and create the story?
  what does it say?
can you read between the lines to see what's really there?
  are you sure?
can you skip the good parts just to get to the ending?
  would you?
can you dream in black in white or only in color?
  what was the question again?

soothe

2010-02-10T21:29:00.000-08:00

©JMG

snow day, can't runaway

trapped in the mountains of mess and slush

sometimes all it takes is the right song to make it all ok

"i'll miss you
i don't wish you hurt
i forgive you
i don't wish you away,
away, away"

Soothe- Smashing Pumpkins

sleeping dreams

2010-02-08T10:24:00.000-08:00

and in the wake of the darkness
the lack of sleep overwhelms
as this empty void beside me grows

attempting to fill the gapping wound
gently removed with the dull blade
found on the end of the table

can you see me now with your closed eyes bleeding?
through this painful sleep
we shall awake on the other side
rested

bent

2010-02-06T15:54:00.000-08:00

©CNirvana

~the fabulous brooke lynn

standing on your head again
flipped upside seems more favorable
opposed to the opposite
awkward awareness of clarity in the bemusement

the blurry windows covered in snowflakes
await the angels we've yet to make
there's still time to create that one last

someday is always the wonder
yesterday will never be again
tomorrow and there after
the biggest question mark

someday's

2010-02-03T21:26:00.000-08:00

there's nothing else to say...

make up your own story for this one, the back story is always better

the moment and all the tales that go along with it

this moment, i wont forget

when all else fails

2010-02-02T22:13:00.000-08:00

©JMG

polaroids by George Pitts

start over
when the music goes to sleep
and the quiet overwhelms
push play again

little monsters

2010-02-01T21:39:00.000-08:00

"one day you will have to go
you'll have to learn to live alone

i can't hold your hand anymore
i can't always kiss you better"

from one of my favorite albums "5:55" by charlotte gainsbourg

...and it keeps getting better the farther away i get.

here

2010-01-28T17:28:00.000-08:00

©CNirvana

i've been told i need to write more. i've been told i need to shoot more. i've been told that i need to settle down. all things i want, i think. good recommendations and requests from people i value. the things that i tell myself are the ones i listen to, or so i tell myself. i'm back to philly for a day and managed to check everything off my to do list. it was a long one but easily accomplished when i take the time to focus, not get distracted by the other things and do what needs to be done.

prioritize, itemize, customize, finalize.

im packed and ready to head to NYC tomorrow. more fun, adventure, wind, maybe snow. more pictures, frivolity, friends, maybe a show. even when its cold it still feels like home. even in the rain so does SF. and as much as i try to deny it and tell myself i made the right decision, i never should have left DC.
where will she stop, nobody knows...