awake

©vernon trent

awake, as the light shines in to steal my darkness

the delicate glow of early morning fills the space that i envelope

awake as ill ever be i crawl to where the day begins

sitting quietly with thoughts of tomorrow

where ill wake up again

leaving tonight to awake two days from now

lost days

found in

tomorrow land

far far away

when is it just too far?

when do i wake up in my bed?

when do i get to find him?

when have i had enough?

November i wait patiently

hurry soon, i can't wait long

gone too long

© Vernon Trent

Parisian hallway

"As i turned in the driveway you turned on the light

my hands were shaking when i turned the key

cause out there on the highway i dreamed of you each night

and I knew youd be waiting up for me

i've been too long gone

too far from home

i've seen too much rain

felt too much pain

i've been gone, too long gone
Your more than just a woman burning with desire

lying here so willing and so warm

and im so close to heaven it sets my soul on fire

remembering how you trembled in my arms"

... some twangy country song lyrics which just seemed to fit...

next time

©Dave Ahronian

back to the east coast where things are as they should be. life is good and the air is crisp. my west coast boys are already missed. it was a short trip but quite successful and lots of stories to bring home. home, where i will be staying someday soon. life as i know it continues to change and the light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter. just far enough away to make me want to sprint. running forward to the next destination, running faster because i know soon i will see my baby, the little one that makes me smile endlessly. simple pleasures are all i need and thankfully i have plenty. next time isn't too far away.

dinner at 7

© Fernon

and it was amazing. tonight i shared dinner with a man who hasn't eaten in over 3 weeks. his appetite destroyed by the amount of necessary chemicals running through his blood stream. we had a great relaxed shoot today, wading through the weeds and hanging from the trees. not at all different from any of the thousands i've done before this one but there was something different and something special. the light fell just right and the breeze blew as it should. today was good. today was great. i was inspired by his effort to ignore the torture of his healing body to enjoy a satisfying meal with me. i was flattered that he took the time to step outside of himself and entertain me, distract himself from himself and live a life that was supposed to be his. it only takes a second to change a life, it only takes a moment to take your breath away. He stopped me and it was brilliant, but there's one that holds me til i get there and i wait til the moment that i cant breathe again.

whispered

©James Graham

sitting silently wearing the socks that keep my knees warm, i connect with my soul because shes the only one thats around. those things that tend to get in the way of the talking to myself since all the worlds asleep, soundly dreaming of the dinosaurs that roam freely. stomping around, leaving tracks behind so that we can find them when we awake. the dust begins to settle as the fog clears and between the breaths you notice that we never stopped holding hands. fingers grasping tightly as if the momentary separation would widen the hidden gap. the clicking of the keystrokes gets louder and the reality of the fading day dream becomes visible. do you really have to go? maybe we can just lay here a while longer and wait for the stars to stop twinkling, a terrible thought but an eternity away.

normal is just a setting on the washing machine...

©Gerry Oar

another magical moment...

a fabulous quote from one of my many good friends. i write my blog tonight in a state of happy delirium after a wonderful dinner and a walk that let me wander to the end of a long, twisty pier in front of another perfect canadian sunset. the evening that reminds me how truly wonderful this thing called life is. as i chat with this friend and that about the comings and goings of life and how it changes as we progress through its stages, the topic of normal and its many layers continues to arise. there is no such thing as normal and anyone that claims to be so should be on serious meds. "Crazy is as crazy does" according to one of the most poignant of crazy characters. this journey is a constant adventure and once the stories stop being interesting (one of my least favorite words because of its vastness of definition) than life as we know it will cease to exist. tragic but true. "what good is life without living"...for those that read this silly thing i call my blog, i appreciate you. i've always been a good listener and sometimes the i find the right words.

wishing star

© CNirvana

As I wander the streets of an unfamilar city, I wait patiently to see the view that I came here for.  Walking carelessly through neighborhood along the water that reflects the magic of the setting sun.  Down the hill to watch the waves.  The colors melt away into the place from which they came.  Once the light has dissipated the walk up the hill begins.  Back to where I began, I wait in the line to head up the tower that holds the view to the great beyond.

In my solitude I enjoy the togetherness of those around me.  The happy couples, the families, the pairs that seem to complete each other.  At the pinnacle, the outlook, I wander and absorb. The view, the throb of the pulsing orange light below. The conversations of the watchers of the light entertain me since the $9 cup o' wine can't appease.  As I pass I hear the voice of a young girl say "mommy, is that a wishing star?". Technically it's mars but in the eyes of a four year old reality its a magical tool in which her dreams can come true.

"Of course honey, what's your wish?"  Mom says.  As I walk away the little one exposes what her dreams hold and restores my faith in humanity and the future of those who can still see the stars through the layer of clouds.

but i want it

©CNirvana

where i want to be...

i sit here at my laptop in another room far from home.  awake too early because i couldn't force myself to stay awake long enough to trick my body.  the warm, cozy bed oh so tempting behind me. but im awake now, wide awake.  so awake that it hurts.  so i continue working, editing, emailing, listening... to sad songs.  hmmm.  jetlag has consumed me since i still haven't figured out what day it is or where i am or if this is where i should be.  i suppose that part doesn't really matter since this is where i am.  

the complicated balance between want and need is what wakes me up everyday.  i need to work to pay the mortgage.  i need to work to keep me sane i think, but what is it that i want to do?  i want to sleep longer and read more and sit and talk with those i love.  those i need in my life.  because i do need them...

little one

© Vernon Trent

I want a baby

or maybe or puppy

or just a bunny

or... a really good book.

Dreamer

off and runnin

©CNirvana

Elisabeth

Grab your shit first, make it quick.  Block the aisle because you stood up first so now you're entitled.  Sit down cow! Just because your ass is bigger doesn't give you the right make me miss my flight.  They are holding the plane for me, please step aside.  a shuttle with one other US passenger, hurry now.  Securidado privee por tu.  Made it through to wait in the 15 min queue.  Glad they rushed us.

Standing waiting enjoying the people watching.  The epitome of stupid American behind me says to the intercom voice "doesn't she know we don't understand a thing she's saying?"  wait a second and she will translate for you.   Was she that ignorant and self involved before or has old age wilted her brain?  Sigh. Maybe I should try harder not to listen, thank you ipod!

It's all ok now because one of the cutest babies I've ever seen is sitting across from me.  I'm a sucker for little feet.  And I've got the aisle seat.  Euro adventure over and off to my house where my empty suitcase is waiting to be filled.  Time to fly...

i think

as my european adventure comes to a close, im winding down and gearing up for the next adventure.  3 days after i get home. just enough time to do laundry, pay bills and pack again. i cant wait but i can but i cant.  tormented by the need to work and the desire to see new things and be with people i love.  i love my life but im ready to settle, right?  too much to do before i leave yet another country so i sit with my pen and write to satisfy myself.  the sun is setting, maybe i can catch a few more memories before i leave.  my itunes just hit repeat.  animal collective sings yet again...

No more runnin', says my mind 
All this movement has just proved your kisses hard to find 
Older harmony that I see 
Friends I once had turn their thoughts away from me 
No more runnin', I’ve got to breathe 
On back porches with the torch of a firefly lit tree 
It's what I hope for 
It's what I hope for 
No more runnin' 
No more runnin' 
I locked my bones and trapped my feet 
I told them I found ‘em a place to be 
And stick like candy in your teeth 
When you lose your faith in me 

i think ill listen.

naked

©Julian Humphries

Continuing the journey from east to west, we enjoy the ride in the buff.  Not for any reason other than we can.  The trip is nearing an end now and the life of home is around the corner.  Back to work, back to bills and those things that make adults different from children.  back to family, friends, my baby... I miss her.  and maybe even my bed.  Not likely but a girl can dream.  back to things that challenge me and make me work harder to get through my day.  Back.

Still with no clothes which is how I live most of my life.  Naked and exposed.

Purple haze

©Edwin Garcia

The moon follows us off into the sunset as we crusie the strip between make believe and reality.  The fine line that it is that seperates the two.  Eyes heavy with lack of sleep, too many visions to fill my head with. No time for shut eye.  Eyes.  The ride is filled with lullabies of soft songs and whistling winds.  The air is crisp tonight as we pass along our way into the fog of tomorrow. somewhere in europe welcomes me, not sure where ill be.  Up too late again but it's ok beacuse it's a holiday.  Saturday.

can you see the lights?

Red

©CNirvana

"never leave your heart alone".  i listen to the music that sings these words to me as i sit silently so to speak.  the day was long and beautiful.  full moon bathed the skyline of paris and all that i saw was caressed with the shine of my friend who watches over me.  on the road early again tomorrow.  on the road which is where i live and grow i suppose.  how can one not change when that is all you know?  i wonder what life will be like when i stop, i wonder what life will be like if i can't.  i'm a little nervous but not at all scared.  i make things work, always.  theres this thing we do when we sit in darkness and search for the beginning of the song that makes everything seem new again.  hit restart and freshness begins.  seems easy right?  yeah...

another day in paris

© vernon trent

i wake today feeling better.  the lights and sounds of paris consume me but the stomach virus that found me distracted me.  it cant stop me since im dedicated to eating the beauty that surrounds me and keeping it forever.  the eiffel tower at night is breathtaking even with the swarms of peddling pusher of crap.   today i shoot with one of my favorite photographers, not expected, barely planned.  he comes to meet me from germany.  the last shoot we did was magical even though it lasted about 30 minutes...and the images we created, i think some of my best work.  a series of 3 (20x30 prints!) hang in a gallery not too far from here.  these are those, smaller of course.

Series titled "...and no one knows"

"and you dance 
in lonely secrecy 
In every style of passion 
and no one knows 
where the night is going..."

Vernon Trent you are amazing.  more to come...

quietly drifting

©CNirvana

in between Avignon and Paris at 200 mph

French countryside whizzing by.  The passage of time trickles as we cruise in a seemingly straight line.  I watch my reflection against the passing green pastures and golden hillsides.  The sun disappears behind the clouds for a moment.  Just long enough to be missed and resumes it's duties of casting shadows and brightening the sky.  We duck inside the darkness where the journey seems to pause.  Funny how the light seems to control everything.  I steal pictures of the unknowing passengers that sleep dreamily waiting for their stop to come.  He slouches next to me grazing my shoulder.  I wonder if he'll realize that I'm a stranger or if he's just comfortable enough to stay that way.  I don't mind, I make a good pillow I suppose.  

31 today

© Josh Marks

On my birthday...

"What a thing to say
Drinking Guinness in the afternoon
Taking shelter in the black cocoon

I thought my life would be different somehow
I thought my life would be better by now
I thought my life would be different somehow
I thought my life would be better by now
But it's not, and I don't know where to turn

Called some guy I knew
Had a drink or two
And we fumbled as the day grew dark
I pretended that I felt a spark"

Aimee Mann speaks these words that hold so true as i continue in this year older.  happy and sad in the same moment.  met a stranger yesterday that welcomed me in to his bar.  he volunteered bits of information about me that most that are close to me just don't see.  he saw things "in my eyes"  as i passed casually.  my thirst for a glass of white wine made me stop and he made me listen.  he read me like an open book and read between the lines which most dont do.  am i a tough read? probably, but only if you dont pay attention.  Last night i talked for hours about nothing and everything and where my tomorrow may take me.  tonight i wonder if any of it was real.  good night paris, ill see you in the light...