the end

©Audie Cleveland

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
It hurts to set you free
But you'll never follow me
The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of nights we tried to die
This is the end

--Jim Morrison

...on to new beginnings

blue moon

©CNirvana

and her moon

2010 is almost upon us and as the year comes to its end the moon becomes blue. second full moon of the month and the first on NYE since 1990. life is changing, as it does. things keep moving because stopping isn't an option. and as the end of a decade comes to a close, the voice of the "King" sings...

"Blue moon,
You saw me standing alone,
Without a dream in my heart,
Without a love of my own.

Blue moon,
You knew just what I was there for.
You heard me saying a pray for

Someone I really could care for."

sometimes you catch the right moment and everything becomes new again...

finding nirvana

©Cameron Attree

yesterday i sat still. i spent time with a budding artist whos husband had bought my time as a christmas gift. i mailed him a print to put under the tree and 2 days later i arrived. he paid me handsomely considering the amount of effort expended.

as i posed for the accountant turned artist for a day, i remembered how much work it is to sit still, not move, focus on something and breathe. I started as an art model for classes around my university. im tens years out of practice. now i essentially do my own thing, barely thinking, rarely challenged and only to pause for the 4x5 shooters that need me to hold a pose for a minute or 3. not 30.

as i sit and try to quiet my mind, i focus on the folded sheet nearby. my focus begins to blur and the sheet begins to develop its own personality. my frozen gaze brings me closer to hallucination with this inanimate object. the face in the material becomes clearer and im not at all surprised that this thing in front of me that has all the attention in my being becomes something different entirely. this face keeps my awareness as i lose feeling in most of my body. my breath slows as i begin to meditate and escape to somewhere far from my body, my reality, my self.

in this place time stops. in this place nothing else matters. there is no noise and i like it, even though the audible music still plays in the corner. there is nothing to block my complete concentration on the corner of this sheet. i let myself go, only to come back when she said, "do you need a break?"

apparently i did, and i took it. and i enjoyed every second of it. and i hope to do it again.

nirvana found

noise

©Brian Sullivan

as i sit here in my family's home trying to multitask and finish what needs to be done before the party starts, i realize something painfully obvious. quiet makes me nervous. i need noise... conversation, white noise, music. vibration of the sound waves. i need to hear things that distract me to really focus on what i need to do. the humming of the refrigerator isn't quite loud enough. i need music, even when its bad.. except for christmas music which apparently makes my head hurt.

i live in the city for the discordant mixture of sounds, it sleeps only when im not around to hear the noise. surrounded by the rush of traffic and the creation and destruction of life, quiet doesn't exist. in "far away from everything noisy" land i gear up to head out for a few more last minute gifts. did i do this on purpose to see the insanity and feel the excitement of the day before rush? i hate crowds and i often hate people, a bit claustrophobic, but the noise....

bad dream

© CB

when you have to wake up, where do you go when the wind doesn't blow?

"Why do I have to fly
over every town up and down the line?
I'll die in the clouds above
and you that I defend, I do not love.

I wake up, it's a bad dream,
No one on my side,
I was fighting
But I just feel too tired
to be fighting,
guess I'm not the fighting kind.

Where will I meet my fate?
Baby I'm a man, I was born to hate.
And when will I meet my end?
In a better time you could be my friend.

...

Where do we go?
I don't even know,
My strange old face,
And I'm thinking about those days,
And I'm thinking about those days.

I wake up, it's a bad dream,
No one on my side,
I was fighting
But I just feel too tired
to be fighting,
guess I'm not the fighting kind.
Wouldn't mind it
if you were by my side
But you're long gone,
yeah you're long gone now."

--Keane

my vivid dreams have been shockingly revealing. losing my teeth and waking up in all the wrong places... whats next?

oh yeah, christmas.

stopped

© Audie Cleveland

in the city of millions that vibrates with it's own heartbeat,

invisible becomes easy

hidden in the masses, seemingly gone forever

oh to disappear...

ending in the wrong places

filled with the wrong songs

masquerading as some happy tourist

lights twinkle and the traffic flows

milling the slochy streets

shoes too big, hat too tight

the flock of geese fly in perfect formation
slightly delayed in their mission
that glance, the familiar stranger
have we met before?

and at the end of the four car train

the scaly skinned lady listens to her voices

moved by the need, her harmonica begins to play

she smiles not knowing if her face is listening

return to the puddley sidewalks covered in stories

trudging through the tundra in search of cloves
gloveless hands shoved deep
onward goes the million mile walk to
faraway again

next

© Carly Erin O'neil

looking down

looking in

are you the one that i've been waiting for?

does it really matter anymore?

hungry bird

©CNirvana

these combinations of letters sound like words

when the tongue hits the roof
but they taste like melted syrup

thick and dripping

not quite seaping in between the proper spots

of the french toast
the delectable treat that used to satisfy

bitterly left on the broken platter
talk, talk, talk
no ones listening anymore

the far away and dreaming sea gull
stole your breakfast again
silence may be deadly but
sometimes it's the only thing you need

fly away bird

empty hallway

©CNirvana

as the winding corridors muddle into a straight line

the bent corners take on a new shape

and as the darker still becomes light again

the rope begins to dangle helplessly in the breeze

gentle billowing that surrounds her

the shadowed peers around the corner

gazing gauntly at the next go round

as he whispers her fate barely audible

she gets lost in his breath

fearing only herself

she lets the rapture begin

at the sound of the tone

the time will be 1234

when the girl in her path is out of the way

the trifling matter dissipates

the smell of sanity

nothing left now

but time

the escapist

©Jonathan Friedman

as i continue to run, float and flutter wondering willingly about the me that i shall be. wishing that the me could settle, sit and stay still for a moment. just a couple maybe. im caught in the search for stability with no real desire to actually hold on to it. the choices of my day create my tomorrow and occasionally i connect with one or two that have a similar vision.

i build my make believe island in the sea with the sun always shining off the reflections of the vastness that swallows me and close enough to the city that pulses and vibrates with is cacophony. the best of both in my happy place. i want it all, i want it now. so realizing that the travel, constant momentum, is what keeps me sane i wonder if there is another wanderer out there that could hold my hand. that could manage the uncertainty that i create.

"and in the end

we lie awake

we dream

we're making our escape"

-Coldplay

escape...