maybe

© CNirvana

spinning circles

dark and twisty 

spiral staircase leading down

to where the stairs melt into

dreamy wonders

wispy walking 

swoon and mutters, but he never speaks

disjointed venture leaving listless

starch and empty pride

Please sir, step aside

so that i may continue my stride

slow me down or make me pause

yet i continue through the fog

sadly wonder what was missed

left behind

moving faster

changed for now

maybe later...

the beauty of the one within

Ida Mae  

© CNirvana

its that time of life when all my friends are pregnant or raising there little ones.  bonding with babies and perpetuating the future.   im a relatively new aunt and can almost relate to the undying love and passion that is given to the creation of life that comes from nine months of growth.  i got to spend some time with my friend Ida in boston and capture the joy in her heart.  there really are no words that truly describe that little light... here are a few more with the finale of my little Julianna.   She sings and has the cutest little dimples.   warms my heart even when shes not around. 

Christina Marie

©CNirvana

My sister Jenn

©CNirvana

Introducing Julianna

©CNirvana

Mac and me forever will be

© CNirvana

Model credit: amber gangi

ever have one of those days that you wish would go away and never torment you again?  wiped clean from your memory, existence, past.  the fleeting flit that nearly ruined your reality as you thought you knew was obliterated... yeah.  sometimes i have those.  

today however i let those thoughts and distractions pass and sat quietly. occassionally distracted by the work i have to do, tons of edits.. always editing.  thank god for laptops, otherwise id be unemployed.  sigh.  so i stopped and thought about what tomorrow may be and lost myself in the stars.  the twinkles and sparkles that share their magic and make the day new.  til then...

he went away one day...

to be trapped in a 5x5 room for a decade would make any normal mind go off kilter.  does rehab help, can therapy distract long enough to quiet the new voices that stem from the torture of alone?  no human contact, not even a mirror to pretend with.  nothing.  one, two, three walls and the gate that holds you from the life you once knew.  days pass with no notable occurrence, each blending in to the next and the next until everything you knew is forever changed.  today, tomorrow goes on without you.  

dont worry, Ill wait for you.  

Porn

©Malcolm Grant

My outdoor shoot in downtown DC this weekend was a good one.  the photog and i are roaming the streets shooting here and there.  grab a touristy shot at the white house with the bike cop cruising through the background.  So the intention is to finish off at the steps of a great catholic church on the way back.   Shooting some fashion stuff, there for maybe 3 minutes and this lady from across the street comes rushing over.  "Dont shoot your cheesecake on God's steps!  take your porn somewhere else!"   Ha! if she only knew...  What makes people think that there opinion or perception is better than the person they are judging?  Hmpf!  well at least we had a good laugh.. thanks edwin.

sunshine

©Chris Meredith

enjoying the light and the gentle breeze of lalaland.  appropriately nicknamed since its so easy to not take life seriously here.  enveloped in perfect weather, surrounded by seemingly perfect albeit plastic people, life is grand and almost perfect.  I sit with my friend Mac and we watch the droves of people walk by with the reflective sunglasses to conceal the real them as they watch the parade of ridiculously over priced cars from the hills drive along the strip. Each one flashier than the next and often more expensive than the drivers can afford.   what ever makes you happy people.   Oh to live in a dream world, i suppose i do...

challenge

©Stan Bolton

Today I sat down and wrote one of the most challenging letters of my life.  Far more difficult then the 20 page papers i wrote in college and it consisted of only a couple paragraphs.  Not sure if its a good idea to start your day full of tears but it was a chore that had to be done.  A few sentences to a judge in the defense of my best friend.   the one person who i honestly miss... deeply.  writing that sentence alone is a challenge.

Today I actually had to think at work.  The photographer took me out of my little box and made me act.  Personify words projected on my body.  Pain, love, dissapointment, power...  challenged.  Something that my job rarely does anymore.  Work has become habit, no real thought or effort involved.  and habits as they say were meant to be broken.  Time to fly...