November 9, 2013


she gave me a piece of her childhood
and helped me find mine
connected to that piece
a simple gift, with a red shirt
the 'uncarved block'

she gave me the space to listen to myself
and i welcomed her
she gave me the freedom to just be
and i took it

she gave me the flexibility to fulfill my needs
because they are just mine
she gave me the time
all i've ever wanted was just enough

she gave me what i was asking for
which is all exactly what i needed
she gave me the peace to sit with myself
a task i rarely allow myself to do

so i sit
to just her
the little one i've ignored for too long

the only one that has all of my answers
and knows that all i really want is to 
just sit, for this moment.

~Reading the TAO OF POOH by Benjamin Hoff just may change your life...

October 30, 2013


Sydney- ©CNirvana

And I dance with this devil on my back
Spinning and swirling to release
I'm back in this hole that seems to fit
With this overwhelming resonance that I can't fight

I wish my mind were as simple as his
I wish this, that surrounds me wouldn't swallow 
I wish and I wish and then I stop spinning

This city has a piece of me
Not necessarily kept, but specifically held
With the disjointed style of inconsistency...

It must be a new driver
Heavy on the brakes 
And not aware of the broken ride created by inconsistently pausing 
With no reason and backwards rhyme 

I don't know how else to say I miss you
You'll ignore me til I'm gone 
But ill always feel you
In that place I told you would always stay

July 27, 2013

its never goodbye

i miss the way your words excite me
the sound of your voice, the nice one
the pedestal I sat you on 
caught fire
i hope I didn't burn you
but really it's only fair

i know i should write more 
and that's why I miss NY
the subway inspires great things 
and numbs them all the same

i know you'll never die
maybe we will see you on the beach next to ours
where I sit wondering if too little is too late

the word that reminds me of you
and this beat is stuck 
in the depths of my spine
because I will never remember
the first song we danced to...

February 7, 2013

captive audience

Anastacia- the siren

she elicits these songbirds that sing with the gift of god
voices like the angels 

who whispered softly in her dreams

they sit and watch 
as she purrs with the magic that she is
rise and stand
they willing accept her sermon

and gently, she taps these chords
every vibration hit just so right
and they sit, watch, and become

what she intends that they are meant to be

December 7, 2012

which way


CH Harvey

i keep myself up
past the last stroke on the broken clock
wondering when is too late really

listening to the ticking
never seems to get easier 
with the dawn of twilight fading

and I wait
frustrated and disappointed
willing this mind to change

something will change

waiting for the next shoe to fall
paired sideways with the last
crumpled bits of paper scatter the floor

my aptitude of deceiver and deception
fall short of my skillful wallow
lying to the only one that really matters

somewhere the map got flipped upside down

torn corners, matching torn discoveries
lost again, with no way of my own

December 2, 2012


© CNirvana

the lovely Anastacia

I used to wear these shoes 
that never quite fit
wore them with vigor til the soles
fell out

I used to wear this necklace
the one with the unicorn
that I quickly grew out of
but could never let go of

A token
memory held of a lifetime
that I can't forget

regardless of the pool
I drown in
swimming, as I do

over hearing misheard conversations
watching words disconnect in the 
swirling of dissonant white noise

she spoke too loudly
so he wouldn't listen
but the conversation remained
the same

September 13, 2012

not forgotten

© CNirvana
models: a raw muse and self

he's like this song
with the lyrics that just wont stick
but this melody stays with me, always

he looked at me that day
in the only way he could
and said he hoped we could still be friends

then I held my breath
waiting 15 seconds til
i realized my favorite color is no longer blue

there's always that little thing
under the tree
where the roots can't grow

and when the weather is too cold
and I realize I've lost my sweater
I'll always remember NY

August 28, 2012

maybe sometime

© CNirvana
model: Liilii 

he only answers when it doesn't ring 
pretending that she doesn't see 
this awkward sideways glance,
and still she stares with 
open eyes, watching

he uses his hands when he talks too much
one more stop, til my goodnight
and still wearing home the boots from Bergen street

his  chain hangs around his neck
like the golden cross
pinned tightly to that perfect spot
but still it has no story 

with this back and forth
crossed smiling faces
seemingly stable, yet never the same

with this change
jingling in my pocket
realizing that the noise comforts me
and feeling the warmth
against my palm in my pocket

i finally found what i've been looking for

July 12, 2012

in the woods

electric forest 2012

these shredded blades of grass seem sharper in the dark
walking towards the endless light
with no visibility in sight

it glows
in the distance with 
this magical reverb off the trees

keep walking
to the point 
where they all disappear

past the paper diamonds
and brightly colored flags

past the wall of trees
where no one seems to go
...but everyone ends up

in to the woods 
where the shadows get longer and
the stories disappear

i miss my memories 
when it was all succinct 
and sweetly tied

April 10, 2012

just kiss me

© CNirvana 

it's orange glow hangs overhead
like the ornaments on last years
christmas tree

gentle in its timid light
but powerfully poignant 
all the same

the flip side of it's orange sunshine
and resonate of all that it can hold 
you see it, but does it feel the same?

magically immense in perfect magnitude
we fly into its guiding light 
and i forget that you've already lost you

still hiding hope for that moment 
when your release is really yours
and all that you want is all that you own

my breath stays mine til you make it so
and as the reflections fade
i forget where we started

white noise disappears on deaf ears 
when you heard me it was true 
and now, this microphone goes silent