December 7, 2012

which way


CH Harvey

i keep myself up
past the last stroke on the broken clock
wondering when is too late really

listening to the ticking
never seems to get easier 
with the dawn of twilight fading

and I wait
frustrated and disappointed
willing this mind to change

something will change

waiting for the next shoe to fall
paired sideways with the last
crumpled bits of paper scatter the floor

my aptitude of deceiver and deception
fall short of my skillful wallow
lying to the only one that really matters

somewhere the map got flipped upside down

torn corners, matching torn discoveries
lost again, with no way of my own

December 2, 2012


© CNirvana

the lovely Anastacia

I used to wear these shoes 
that never quite fit
wore them with vigor til the soles
fell out

I used to wear this necklace
the one with the unicorn
that I quickly grew out of
but could never let go of

A token
memory held of a lifetime
that I can't forget

regardless of the pool
I drown in
swimming, as I do

over hearing misheard conversations
watching words disconnect in the 
swirling of dissonant white noise

she spoke too loudly
so he wouldn't listen
but the conversation remained
the same

September 13, 2012

not forgotten

© CNirvana
models: a raw muse and self

he's like this song
with the lyrics that just wont stick
but this melody stays with me, always

he looked at me that day
in the only way he could
and said he hoped we could still be friends

then I held my breath
waiting 15 seconds til
i realized my favorite color is no longer blue

there's always that little thing
under the tree
where the roots can't grow

and when the weather is too cold
and I realize I've lost my sweater
I'll always remember NY

August 28, 2012

maybe sometime

© CNirvana
model: Liilii 

he only answers when it doesn't ring 
pretending that she doesn't see 
this awkward sideways glance,
and still she stares with 
open eyes, watching

he uses his hands when he talks too much
one more stop, til my goodnight
and still wearing home the boots from Bergen street

his  chain hangs around his neck
like the golden cross
pinned tightly to that perfect spot
but still it has no story 

with this back and forth
crossed smiling faces
seemingly stable, yet never the same

with this change
jingling in my pocket
realizing that the noise comforts me
and feeling the warmth
against my palm in my pocket

i finally found what i've been looking for

July 12, 2012

in the woods

electric forest 2012

these shredded blades of grass seem sharper in the dark
walking towards the endless light
with no visibility in sight

it glows
in the distance with 
this magical reverb off the trees

keep walking
to the point 
where they all disappear

past the paper diamonds
and brightly colored flags

past the wall of trees
where no one seems to go
...but everyone ends up

in to the woods 
where the shadows get longer and
the stories disappear

i miss my memories 
when it was all succinct 
and sweetly tied

April 10, 2012

just kiss me

© CNirvana 

it's orange glow hangs overhead
like the ornaments on last years
christmas tree

gentle in its timid light
but powerfully poignant 
all the same

the flip side of it's orange sunshine
and resonate of all that it can hold 
you see it, but does it feel the same?

magically immense in perfect magnitude
we fly into its guiding light 
and i forget that you've already lost you

still hiding hope for that moment 
when your release is really yours
and all that you want is all that you own

my breath stays mine til you make it so
and as the reflections fade
i forget where we started

white noise disappears on deaf ears 
when you heard me it was true 
and now, this microphone goes silent

March 25, 2012

black and white bird

bright sunny day

as walk alone, i listen
to this song in my mind
the one only you can sing to me
in the sweetest voice i've never heard

that make believe romance
that exists only in barbie's play land
is mine, ours

imaginary wonderment come true
you whisper my name
vibrations pass through walls on soft ears

these little four letter words 
oh how big they can be
this anxious separation subsides
and truth is the one thing holding me together

all i've ever wanted
will never be big enough to hold you
wandering the streets, that all lead back to this almost didn't exist...

February 29, 2012


© CNirvana
model: Stephanie Anne

the face with no eyes stares at me
with this sly smirk grinning
you know more than you say

up to my chin in mud and dirt
feeling that pulse in my chest
like the last train coming to a stop

the warm drops of water hit my cheek
falling from above
and gently rolling down to find their new home

and this hot steam rising 
making me sweat and wander
as the puddle builds beneath me,
swimming in a pool of blue

sing me to sleep again
where the dark night holds me
i never knew you, but i dreamt of you still

For Jaik Miller, laid to rest long before his time. An amazing songwriter and musician who will not soon be forgotten...

February 21, 2012


i need to get back to the subway
where those doors close tight
and the noise swallows me 

reuniting with the ones i love
we sit at the end of a long pew
staring at the bottom of this rocky road 

in excess, the only way to be
we wrap ourselves around each other
holding tightly to what we came for

i wait for you
in these empty moments
filled with the liquid of dreams
emptied by the last call

January 19, 2012


© CNirvana
Rebecca Lawrence

i'm listening to the same song again
reverberating in my head
then my vision blurs and I forget 

this moment, when watching turns internal 
the cover to this song sings me to sleep
just like the momentum in my speech

then he comes back with all the answers 
to nothing I asked
same thoughts with slight repetition

i forget the rest
nothing else matters

January 15, 2012


©J and J photography

this trip of a lifetime over the seas
hands held tightly with gentle attention to overindulge
just what i've always wanted

spare no expense on this one
it will all be gone before you
the only care, oceans blue

i watch him wonder through wandering
wishing this trip will never end
we are the same in this life

the shadow beneath us
so small in comparison 
together we reach such great heights

alive in what feels like a dream
escaping all else with the world on pause
and finding the rest seek

maybe perfect can exist