fluttered

© Dave Ahronian

I watch you as you sleep. the smile across your face.  watching from tomorrow since that's where I shall be.  protected by the distance, or is it tormented? the visions in your head are what I feel when i'm awake.  this thing we share, it's beautiful.  as the waves crash around me and I enjoy the smells of the salty sea, i catch a ride with the hummingbird who flutters by.  whisked away he takes me. he seems to have lost his way or perhaps had intended to come find me here.  the flaps of his tiny wings comfort me and hum me off to where we are supposed to be.  questioning the why is no longer relevant as we continue on this path to no where, the place where everything makes sense.

pigtails

© Stan Boulton

I sit at lunch stuffing my face with gambas y queso pizza, looking at this round pie wondering if I can stomach the rest of it.  Wasting seems so tragic  but I do it often.  I sit here letting the portion I shoveled in settle, realizing this is way too much food.  As i sit sipping my wine, up walks a mom and her darling little one with softly braided hair and rosy cherub cheeks.   Mom shakes her cup in my direction to see if i can donate to her fund.  I only have american dinero which does her no good.  I shake my head unable to currently find the words in spanish to say I've got nothing to give. with my pizza at face level with the little one, i watch her face light up.  I offer to them what I will never finish.  The brightness in the child's expression could fill a room.  Such a simple act.  Did It make me feel better to share with these hungry souls the food I could never eat alone?  I suppose.  Did I feel guilty when they shuffled off leaving me to wonder where their next meal might come from? Probably.  Would it have affected my day if I hadn't sacrificed my remains to those less fortumate then myself? Perhaps.  Did I believe that they were homeless or just clever scammers? Hmmm, always the skeptic..

But for now I am thankful that something so seemingly insignificant to me could equate to something so monumental or at least seemingly so, to this little girl.  I'll remember the genuine smile on that cute little face along with the gratefulness of her mother for quite some time.  it only takes a second to change a life, hers or mine.  or maybe yours.

wide open

©JMG

you close your eyes and realize that the world is quite different in the darkness, when they aren't open to see that which blocks your view. the things you do see are real, the things that you feel can hurt but only because you let them.  the things you thought you knew are gone or have they merely changed or were they never really there?  these things that seem to control your reality, that make you think that you aren't good enough or that the music is too loud or that the...

well you know, that thing that just wasn't.  its okay now, because its not.   its okay now because your eyes are still closed and when they open again you'll see. 

clarity, right?  what you really want.  

soon

© Fernon

The smell of petrol fills the air as we putter off to the next destination.  Not far now, but far enough that eternity seems short.  The golden man on the corner glances, I smile as we part.  Hills here are vast and endless covered with lands that produce things that we all need, want, desire.  The path to get there lined with stems that hold the birds and cast their shade to keep the beneath cool.  Multitude of colors  fill the hillside and create the dreams that seep into the holes to pass us through to the other side.  Getting no where fast...

Sooner or later

hot sauce

© Tito Trelles NYC

energized and fulfilled after a fabulous trip to NYC.  i was losing passion for my career and then met some amazing photographers, made some new friends and found what i had lost.  its easy to fall in to a routine, go through the motions and lose sight of what's important, why you started and why you continue to do what you love.  i got that back and was quoted as being the best stuff i've ever done and considering i've been at it for 8 years, thats saying a lot!  Thanks J and T.  miss you already...

sleep deprived and hurrying to finish too many things i pushed aside, i pack and repack and upack to head off again. soon ill stop, switch, stay.  Ahhh...

today i smile deeply, leaving the city of dreams with a little tear in my eye... but ill be back, soon. tomorrow in a far off land with camera in hand.  art to create and passion to flame.  i love my life, and my friends especially the good ones. 

another year older, another year (fill in the blank)

©CNirvana

the last week has been a wonderful blur of debachery, fun and merriment filled with good friends, family and strangers who left there mark... not necessarily in that order.  starting with a stint on the trapeze flying over NYC, one of my favorite cities.  finishing with an action packed day at the beach with two of the cutest munchkins i know.  life is good.  

its easy to get distracted and side tracked from your intended goals when there are so many things in life that make you pause.  i often catch myself thinking too far ahead and getting overwhelmed by what i have yet to do, things i don't have time for or the general fear of "what's next?".  one of my friends told me that he makes his new years resolutions in november to see if he has the staying power to actually follow through.  if he can't hold out til the actual resolution time he just doesn't bother.  thats one way to do it.  i personally think expectations are the only way to get disappointed.  i've never been a good planner  or manager of time so i often leave myself frustrated.   one day at a time.  moving faster only gets confusing.  

the day before the rest of your life

©Tom Lane

focus...ready?  i can do this, its not so tough.  

the clock ticks by as i listen patiently

tick tock, spinning hands that drop the seconds

soon will be next

next will be gone

   

and then?

you.

quietly we sit enjoying the mindless banter

the words we share that meant so much

and now?

more, less, does it really matter...

its lovely when we get to make believe

and wish of wonders that may only be in the moments 

right now.

that's the one

© CNirvana

Model credit: Elisabeth

every now and then things happen just the right way.  the stars align to create the perfect circle.  love at first sight does exist if you believe it.  the perfect breeze on a hot summer day.  your paths cross and soulmates are united.  the light falls just right and takes your breathe away... perfect.

emotional contagion

© TJK Photography

i started my day with a really good book today instead of rushing to the computer to check my email and the plethora of other mounting things that consume my day.  its always easier to be alone when you have the words to fill your mind.  the story was about the importance of the people that we surround ourselves with and how their shit can get in the way of our happiness.  I actually had this conversation the previous evening with a good glass of wine and one of my best buddies.  Good friends make a world of difference and that one bad seed can ruin your day.  sometimes its best to cut the cord and watch them grow from afar.  maybe the timing was just off and things are better left unsaid.  maybe it just wasn't meant to be.  or maybe it was...

so i sit with myself content with my thoughts and listening to some fantastic music thanks to yet another really great friend.  filling my day with things of necessity, productivity and comfort in knowing that one of my favorite people in my life comes to visit tonight.   food for thought...

"You have to do it by yourself, and you can't do it alone" martin rutte

when you realize that you just dont fit

© James Graham

round hole, square peg

it may slide in and feel right 

but the ends don't touch

the corners aren't filled 

slightly amiss 

good enough?

floating in the mix

mixing with the rest

actual appropriateness

lost, gone, invisible

away in to oblivion

held for that moment

when the birds sing softly

as the sirens scream

the light dances and sparkles

and you and i seem to mesh 

sometimes i just need to get away

©CNirvana

elisabeth- in my bed

im actually home today, that place that i own in the city... sleeping in my own bed.   it feels good. never home alone though.  funny how that always works out.  visitors come and go and keep my house feeling homey.   models passing through town, im a good host.  friends that need a break from life,  im a good listener.  it is comfortable here in my home.  someday ill be content to stay still for a while.  someday.