August 9, 2010


© Candace Smith

losing myself in the world of a 4 year old, i bounce on the trampoline mindlessly.  giggling and forgetting about life, reality, responsibility... until he asks me to show him a trick.  my mind freezes as i feverishly try to come up with something that would interest this little man, that he may never have seen before, that i can still pull off without the fear of adulthood in the way.

i've never been one to be afraid, never hesitate when asked to jump out of a plane or off a cliff into the ocean 50 feet below or hang from a tree that could be my last.  all of these things i've volunteered for actually.  yet this moment when i bounce closer to the ground than any tree i've climbed, with memories of backflips and impressive acrobatics that would wow any 4 year old, i'm stunted.  i'm caught in my own self doubt, in my own hesitation, in the place in my brain where i'm no longer invincible.

that place where tinkerbell's fairy dust wears off and i plummet to the earth below.  oh tink, why'd you have to let me go?

sense of consequence...

some of us have it.  some of us skip that part of adulthood and just continue life as if nothing else matters.  this is all there is, so why think past right now?  for every action there is a reaction and its not always pleasant.  that's why we have health insurance.  that's why we say 'I'm sorry'.  that's why we think before we jump.  right?

so, i showed him my best back flip (from the starting position of on my knees) and he was impressed.  it doesn't take much when nothing but the little things matter.