December 28, 2009

finding nirvana

©Cameron Attree

yesterday i sat still. i spent time with a budding artist whos husband had bought my time as a christmas gift. i mailed him a print to put under the tree and 2 days later i arrived. he paid me handsomely considering the amount of effort expended.

as i posed for the accountant turned artist for a day, i remembered how much work it is to sit still, not move, focus on something and breathe. I started as an art model for classes around my university. im tens years out of practice. now i essentially do my own thing, barely thinking, rarely challenged and only to pause for the 4x5 shooters that need me to hold a pose for a minute or 3. not 30.

as i sit and try to quiet my mind, i focus on the folded sheet nearby. my focus begins to blur and the sheet begins to develop its own personality. my frozen gaze brings me closer to hallucination with this inanimate object. the face in the material becomes clearer and im not at all surprised that this thing in front of me that has all the attention in my being becomes something different entirely. this face keeps my awareness as i lose feeling in most of my body. my breath slows as i begin to meditate and escape to somewhere far from my body, my reality, my self.

in this place time stops. in this place nothing else matters. there is no noise and i like it, even though the audible music still plays in the corner. there is nothing to block my complete concentration on the corner of this sheet. i let myself go, only to come back when she said, "do you need a break?"

apparently i did, and i took it. and i enjoyed every second of it. and i hope to do it again.
nirvana found


  1. I still love it! I can clear my mind, when I was in college I would daydream about Josh while at "work". I think that is why I fell for him.

  2. What a wonderful description of your time with the artist. She was very lucky to have you for her model.