the end

©Audie Cleveland

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
It hurts to set you free
But you'll never follow me
The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of nights we tried to die
This is the end

--Jim Morrison

...on to new beginnings

blue moon

©CNirvana

and her moon

2010 is almost upon us and as the year comes to its end the moon becomes blue. second full moon of the month and the first on NYE since 1990. life is changing, as it does. things keep moving because stopping isn't an option. and as the end of a decade comes to a close, the voice of the "King" sings...

"Blue moon,
You saw me standing alone,
Without a dream in my heart,
Without a love of my own.

Blue moon,
You knew just what I was there for.
You heard me saying a pray for

Someone I really could care for."

sometimes you catch the right moment and everything becomes new again...

finding nirvana

©Cameron Attree

yesterday i sat still. i spent time with a budding artist whos husband had bought my time as a christmas gift. i mailed him a print to put under the tree and 2 days later i arrived. he paid me handsomely considering the amount of effort expended.

as i posed for the accountant turned artist for a day, i remembered how much work it is to sit still, not move, focus on something and breathe. I started as an art model for classes around my university. im tens years out of practice. now i essentially do my own thing, barely thinking, rarely challenged and only to pause for the 4x5 shooters that need me to hold a pose for a minute or 3. not 30.

as i sit and try to quiet my mind, i focus on the folded sheet nearby. my focus begins to blur and the sheet begins to develop its own personality. my frozen gaze brings me closer to hallucination with this inanimate object. the face in the material becomes clearer and im not at all surprised that this thing in front of me that has all the attention in my being becomes something different entirely. this face keeps my awareness as i lose feeling in most of my body. my breath slows as i begin to meditate and escape to somewhere far from my body, my reality, my self.

in this place time stops. in this place nothing else matters. there is no noise and i like it, even though the audible music still plays in the corner. there is nothing to block my complete concentration on the corner of this sheet. i let myself go, only to come back when she said, "do you need a break?"

apparently i did, and i took it. and i enjoyed every second of it. and i hope to do it again.

nirvana found

noise

©Brian Sullivan

as i sit here in my family's home trying to multitask and finish what needs to be done before the party starts, i realize something painfully obvious. quiet makes me nervous. i need noise... conversation, white noise, music. vibration of the sound waves. i need to hear things that distract me to really focus on what i need to do. the humming of the refrigerator isn't quite loud enough. i need music, even when its bad.. except for christmas music which apparently makes my head hurt.

i live in the city for the discordant mixture of sounds, it sleeps only when im not around to hear the noise. surrounded by the rush of traffic and the creation and destruction of life, quiet doesn't exist. in "far away from everything noisy" land i gear up to head out for a few more last minute gifts. did i do this on purpose to see the insanity and feel the excitement of the day before rush? i hate crowds and i often hate people, a bit claustrophobic, but the noise....

bad dream

© CB

when you have to wake up, where do you go when the wind doesn't blow?

"Why do I have to fly
over every town up and down the line?
I'll die in the clouds above
and you that I defend, I do not love.

I wake up, it's a bad dream,
No one on my side,
I was fighting
But I just feel too tired
to be fighting,
guess I'm not the fighting kind.

Where will I meet my fate?
Baby I'm a man, I was born to hate.
And when will I meet my end?
In a better time you could be my friend.

...

Where do we go?
I don't even know,
My strange old face,
And I'm thinking about those days,
And I'm thinking about those days.

I wake up, it's a bad dream,
No one on my side,
I was fighting
But I just feel too tired
to be fighting,
guess I'm not the fighting kind.
Wouldn't mind it
if you were by my side
But you're long gone,
yeah you're long gone now."

--Keane

my vivid dreams have been shockingly revealing. losing my teeth and waking up in all the wrong places... whats next?

oh yeah, christmas.

stopped

© Audie Cleveland

in the city of millions that vibrates with it's own heartbeat,

invisible becomes easy

hidden in the masses, seemingly gone forever

oh to disappear...

ending in the wrong places

filled with the wrong songs

masquerading as some happy tourist

lights twinkle and the traffic flows

milling the slochy streets

shoes too big, hat too tight

the flock of geese fly in perfect formation
slightly delayed in their mission
that glance, the familiar stranger
have we met before?

and at the end of the four car train

the scaly skinned lady listens to her voices

moved by the need, her harmonica begins to play

she smiles not knowing if her face is listening

return to the puddley sidewalks covered in stories

trudging through the tundra in search of cloves
gloveless hands shoved deep
onward goes the million mile walk to
faraway again

next

© Carly Erin O'neil

looking down

looking in

are you the one that i've been waiting for?

does it really matter anymore?

hungry bird

©CNirvana

these combinations of letters sound like words

when the tongue hits the roof
but they taste like melted syrup

thick and dripping

not quite seaping in between the proper spots

of the french toast
the delectable treat that used to satisfy

bitterly left on the broken platter
talk, talk, talk
no ones listening anymore

the far away and dreaming sea gull
stole your breakfast again
silence may be deadly but
sometimes it's the only thing you need

fly away bird

empty hallway

©CNirvana

as the winding corridors muddle into a straight line

the bent corners take on a new shape

and as the darker still becomes light again

the rope begins to dangle helplessly in the breeze

gentle billowing that surrounds her

the shadowed peers around the corner

gazing gauntly at the next go round

as he whispers her fate barely audible

she gets lost in his breath

fearing only herself

she lets the rapture begin

at the sound of the tone

the time will be 1234

when the girl in her path is out of the way

the trifling matter dissipates

the smell of sanity

nothing left now

but time

the escapist

©Jonathan Friedman

as i continue to run, float and flutter wondering willingly about the me that i shall be. wishing that the me could settle, sit and stay still for a moment. just a couple maybe. im caught in the search for stability with no real desire to actually hold on to it. the choices of my day create my tomorrow and occasionally i connect with one or two that have a similar vision.

i build my make believe island in the sea with the sun always shining off the reflections of the vastness that swallows me and close enough to the city that pulses and vibrates with is cacophony. the best of both in my happy place. i want it all, i want it now. so realizing that the travel, constant momentum, is what keeps me sane i wonder if there is another wanderer out there that could hold my hand. that could manage the uncertainty that i create.

"and in the end

we lie awake

we dream

we're making our escape"

-Coldplay

escape...

snow storm

©Brian Sullivan

the fallen sprinkles of the dusty flakes swirl against the pane of glass. dancing delicately in the masquerade. the blinding brightness of snow white's path, beautiful in it's hypnotizing flurry. swerving motorists pass and spin til the end is far past the beginning. flipped in directions that make no sense. moments of perfection dissipate in an instant.

this crystal ball projection mesmerizing the memories of the passer bys. splendor in its twirling til the icicles sway and splatter the essence of the story before the final chapter has begun. nearby branches heavy with the weight of the world, stand strong despite the chaos. she says she has no time to dust the stems that could alleviate the pain.

bearing the burden is left to the trees

milk chocolate mug

©Tyler Keeler

the mug brimming with the tainted nectar. sipping the juice that tastes surprisingly like wine flavored chocolate. dirty glass of cocoa remnants mixed with merlot. the perfect accidental blend. sometimes whats left behind opens the flavor for whats supposed to fill the mug.

filler

that thing that separates the last one from the new one. that little something in between that satisfies the thirst for a minute but doesn't quench the desire. tasty treat sipped too quickly. the finish on the palate that lasts for the rest of your life.

other side of the world

Over the sea and far away

She's waiting like an iceberg

Waiting to change

But she's cold inside

She wants to be like the water

All the muscles tighten in her face

Buries her soul in one embrace

They're one and the same

Just like water

The fire fades away

Most of everyday

Is full of tired excuses

But it's to hard to say

I wish it were simple

But we give up easily

You're close enough to see that

You're the other side of the world to me

On comes the panic light

Holding on with fingers and feelings alike

But the time has come

To move along

The fire fades away

Can you help me

Can you let me go

And can you still love me

When you can't see me anymore

The fire fades away

--KT Tunstall...

sometimes too far away is just close enough. soon...

winter fall

© Dave Aharonian

snowflake sprinkled, sunlit path glowing with all it's splendor. sitting quietly, waiting patiently for the arrival of him and hers. the happy, vanity towel set that hangs neatly in the powder room. each sold separately.

the white crispness becoming soggy while frosty whilts on the well trimmed lawn. his smile fell off long ago but the winter wonderland makes his red scarf glow.

i left him today in the warmth of snuggle. not because i wanted to, but because i should. blinded by the want and missing the need. slow-motion ferris wheel, stop to let me off. the spinning made me dizzy yet I managed the straight line. direction, ahead- in fast forward. destination, contentment-where only sitting is allowed.

flip side of up

©CNirvana

the place between here and forever neverland. those magical lost boys that have all the answers to the questions yet to be asked. good morning friar, nice to meet you. i'd like to take a hand to help in any way that I can. the gorgeous fabric without the stains, hangs in its pristine glory. untouched in its perfectness. visible are the apparent similarities of the combination of two plus one.

and as the water runs down my dry wet body, the realization of this thing that is not me sets in. this place where the half isn't quite achieved. as those around me fill their gaps with these half hearted responses, i wonder the validity of the self fulfilling prophecy. can you close your eyes, twirl around and dream of this thing that isn't seen with eyes open? can the make believe be this thing called reality? dont resist, just let go.

good luck my darling, you'll need it for this one.

maybe tomorrow

©BJ Ramsay

aimlessly walking the streets of DC today, the one city that i truly know, feel at home in, and could be comfortable calling home. as i go from coffee shop to book store, watching the suits head to work and the kids roam the streets of dupont circle it reminds me from a scene in Paul Haggis' Crash.

"It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something."

life is forever changing, growing, progressing, spreading us apart. each moment can change your future. hopefully in the right direction but regardless of the intended path, it all ends up where it should be. things are connected often when they don't even touch. i've watched a lot of my friends lives change dramatically this year. most happy experiences, lots of new little lives created and celebrated. some tragic and faith shattering but they still continue their walk. as i sit recounting my year as it quickly heads to its end, the stereophonics sing...

I've been down and
I'm wondering why
These little black clouds
Keep walking around
With me
With me

It wastes time
And I'd rather be high
Think I'll walk me outside
And buy a rainbow smile
But be free
They're all free

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

I look around at a beautiful life
Been the upperside of down
Been the inside of out
But we breathe
We breathe

I wanna breeze and an open mind
I wanna swim in the ocean
Wanna take my time for me
All me

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home...

tomorrow is never more important then today. it may be all you have left...

ocean meets the sand

©Brad Page- Pearl Beach, NSW

when I crossed the yellow line for the fourth time
I realized the ocean's not that far
and when the bottom of the sea
begins to swim above me, then i'll be

no more floating with the fishes
merely watching the waves as
i surface above the shore

my pixie dust is broken again
the sprinkles only spray, sputter
and fall

and for the third time

i saw the wolf
the fawn still in his mouth
careful not to bite too hard
you just might chew

that wolf is still following me
sinking in the quicksand
mud between his toes but
still smiling sweetly

and as the mud flows

closer to the waves

he realizes that he forgot how to swim

more than this

©CNirvana- stamford, ct

"I could feel at the time
There was no way of knowing
Fallen leaves in the night
Who can say where they're blowing
As free as the wind
And hopefully learning
Why the sea on the tide
Has no way of turning"

when life starts draggin ya down and the bubbles start clogging the windpipe

sip the champagne a little longer and the tingling sets in. 

lots of good news today. 

lots of pretty pictures to keep me up all night.  

lots of good people in my life that distract me

from those that aren't.  and some of those that helped to create my negativity may have gone away never to return again. with a tendency to to multitask and overwhelm myself skipping what really needs to be done, tonight i focus on what makes me happy.  

"It was fun for a while
There was no way of knowing
Like dream in the night
Who can say where we're going
No care in the world
Maybe I'm learning
Why the sea on the tide
Has no way of turning"

 

-More Than This- Roxy Music

with the ghosts locked safely in the closet, the munchkins come out to play and play as they do the evening progresses into the next where the sun will rise again.  

black friday

© Phil Chaplin- Dunk Island, QLD

frivolously frolicking, dropping daisies in the litter box

wasteful wanting, never satisfied

perfect slipped away again and the remainder remains the same

someone out there holds the key to the magic mystery

with empty shopping bags

searching for the perfect christmas present

its got your name on it

its what you really want

its the only thing left

thanksgiving

©Cameron Attree- mission beach

my friend~stephanie anne

today we give thanks for the 19 lb stuffed turkey covered in thick gravy, cranberry sauce and corn bread in gluttonous proportions, celebrating america's victory and carnage over those who came before us

today we give thanks for the drunken moments we spend with forgotten family members who were left behind on purpose

today we give thanks for the tryptophan and extra whip creamed coma that makes the kiddies disappear

...and the cynic subsides

and we give thanks for those that really love us, can say so and actually mean it

thanks for the plentitude of food that satisfies our hungry with leftovers to keep us happy, healthy and fed for days

thanks for the quiet drive home. silence is often truly golden

thanks for family and friend~like family, the ones i see and especially those i can only feel. you're not forgotten.. i saved some pumpkin pie for you

thanks for tomorrow. when life goes back to normal with the belly still full and the warm glow still where it should be

today i am thankful

clearer still

©Chris Meredith- sydney

there's this thing that happens when you close your eyes and can't see

sometimes the actuality becomes clearer

no longer blinded by the daily distractions

no longer frustrated by the reality of you.

just you and the darkness and the insides of your eyes.

what's behind the blinking blues?

why is it that the one thing is always askew?

hand extended waiting

bated breath

connection made, time stands still

when the light is frozen

the blur ceases to exist

timing is everything

"why do you do what you do?
you don't know. you just do."

wish id never met you

©Vernon Trent- time stopper

And I wish I never met you
And I wish that I would cry
And my whole life I'd loved you baby
And I know deep down inside
That I wish that I would die
And I wish our love would die
And I wish that I could collect from you
For all your senseless crimes, yeah

And I wish that I forgot her
And I'll buy another drink
And all the love you've taken back
Was all that took me sane
And all the things you told me
And all there was to tell
And all that love you've taken back
Will all end up in hell, well

And I wish that day I met you
With a though with a doubt
And all my dreams were broken
And just lying on the ground
And I lost the day I met you
And I cursed your way of life
And all that times you broken me
I was all chocked up inside, well

And I wish the day I told you
Was all my love for sale
And I just can't trust you baby
Your just lying over here, yeah

And I wish I had a dollar
And I wish I had a dime
For all the lies you told me
And all your central crimes
And I just, just got to leave you
And lying in your dreams
Cause all those lies are broken
And all those special things, well...

Oh...

-The Rolling Stones

sometimes its just better to forget...

all i need

©Cameron Attree- Mission Beach, QLD

I'm the next act

waiting in the wings
I'm an animal

trapped in your hot car
I am all the days
that you choose to ignore

You are all I need
You are all I need
I'm in the middle of a picture
Lying in the reeds

I am a moth
who just wants to share your light
I'm just an insect
trying to get out of the night

I only stick with you
because there are no others

You are all I need
You are all I need
I'm in the middle of a picture
Lying in the reeds

It's all wrong
It's all right
It's all wrong ...

im on a radiohead kick. im surrounded by missed opportunities waiting for the next chance. im up too late again. i think i saw a ghost.

down is the new up

©Tito Trelles- NYC

"Get yourself together

Let the light pour in

Pour yourself a hot bath, pour yourself a drink

Nothing's going to happen without warning

Down is the new up"

cruising the highway in style on the double decker bus. en route to boston where the trip is slowly unraveling. one rather large cancellation and another sick photographer that just wanted to give me a "heads up". i should probably be stressed or try to book more work since i still need to feed myself eventually but i can honestly say im over it. i should be stressed since december is wide open and ive put no effort in to booking work but it always works out in the end so stress is no longer allowed.

"Won't you be my girl?

Your services are not required

Your future's bleak, you're so last week"

as i get farther away from one of my favorite cities i sit and wonder. the blur of the two days was exciting, satisfying, and full of adventure which is what every trip to NYC has become for me.

japanese pop-stars, epic rock and rollers, origami elephants and overrated drinking holes.

i could end up there and wrap myself in the swirling heart beat of america's wonderland. i could end up in SF or maybe i actually belong in sydney. only time will tell, or something like that. i do miss tomorrow and all the things it holds for me.

"Down is the new up

What if I just flip-flopped?"

the ride progresses as my tired, achy body gets weaker. exhausted mentally and physically, i fight off sleep to edit baby pictures. my one true love. the little one thats growing too fast as i keep wandering the world.

"You crawled off and left us

Crawled off and left us

You bastard"

im addicted. to too many things...

Lit

©Billy Monday

tearful onion peeled and blooming
the layers laid scattered exposing the meaty flesh

of pungent insides and as the flame grows higher

the burning begins

the crumbling of the wall of boulders subsides
no more falling now as the ground stands still
cacophony of the muttering mildew stops
when you refuse to listen

softly slipping, closely clipping

wildly wandering, truly transient

flickering candle lit glowing path

persuading convincingly into the next darkness

sullen girl

© Dave Aharonian

"Days like this, I don't know what to do with myself
All day and all night
I wander the halls along the walls and under my breath
I say to myself
I need fuel to take flight

And there's too much going on
But it's calm under the waves, in the blue of my oblivion
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion

Is that why they call me a sullen girl, sullen girl
They don't know I used to sail the deep and tranquil sea
But he washed me shore and he took my pearl
And left an empty shell of me

And there's too much going on
But it's calm under the waves in the blue of my oblivion
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion
It's calm under the waves in the blue of my oblivion "

fiona sings me to sleep and as her voice carries me higher i begin to float off to dream land in my own bed, where i actually slept like a baby.  more restful than the one i miss..

hungry

©Fernon

the crack of the chip echoes as the lonely consumes the potato

vastness of the empty awakens the sleeping cucumber

crunching carrots wander wildly through the magazine aisle

stumbling upon the cheese, that golden treat

the one thing true, honest

creamy, melted goodness

bliss found hidden in between

fold it back, spread it open

taste