Merry

Christmas to all...

Right

they say

© CNirvana

model credit: carly erin

change of plans, as the hands spin round
i met you at the right time, since time is all we have
when the slow to motion rolling backwards
to forward
stops

you don't know what you want
i don't know what i need
said lying through the perfectly whitened teeth

the lines blurred ever slightly
yet painfully clear, in the nowhere near
try as we might



its all right there in front of you
fingers touching vastly vapid air
push me down this mountain, he says

just that little nudge to send me where i should
partner in crime not where he stood
but in the back of my mind ill always
save an empty pocket for you

maybe was

© Gila Nudes

singing to the sounds of the songs in my head
listening to the beat of the throbbing underneath
and when you really stop to listen
it all goes away
then the lack of missing finds it's place

i don't remember you
the way you smell 
dissipates far too quickly 
when I look away

but the sound of your voice still 
echoes in my dreams
the way you say you love me
and then you tell me that 
everything will be ok

I believe you 
even if you aren't real

good eye

© Steve Billups

and when I start to think the ducks make a line
one jumps out and starts to swim

and when the last bough breaks sending me flying
the wonder of where to land sinks in

and when he calls my name louder than that childhood whistle,
the one that always brought me home
i realize it no longer exists

and when the rhyme of the lyrics surpasses the tune
it's time to buy a new record
this one just doesn't play anymore

i miss the sounds of that broken jukebox
and how it always had a new song for me

© Chip Bulgin

after I left you, it all fell away
the wind blew with that directional pull
that seemed to drag the paint off the walls
and made the floor creak as if carried away by mice

that day 
when nothing seemed to make sense
regardless of the circles i made around myself

wrapped in the warmth of the faux autumn day
dancing with the fallen leaves to the rhythm
of that last song

the last one I heard, standing next to you
it seems louder the farther away i get
sing to me like you always do
i'll promise not to listen

lonely leaves lay buried
between the longing and forgotten
fallen and faded
waiting to blow away

the bare limbs look down upon the discarded
patiently awaiting the clouded sky to break
with autumn's first fall

long, cold shadows pave the way
on the path of least resistance
as the golden light begins to fade

nipping at the nape of the naked throat
this chill shivers straight through to bone
knocking gently on the door of tomorrow

today I miss you
and by the day that follows,
you'll be nothing more than
the residue of the dream from which I awoke

sit stay

©Chip Bulgin

i sit surrounded by sleepy potential passengers
wasting the waiting with pocket computers in hand
yes, this seat is open
please, may I?

baffled yet not surprised by all fingers punching buttons
as the world around us seems to disappear
6am in the universe and all is well
lost in the where ever you want to be
Tap tap tap
Click. Send.

those that don't play along, chat quietly of the upcoming day
the day that's passed
the day that will never come

yes I am watching you, and her too
people watcher, it's what I do

assess, confess, digress, de-stress

and sir, you should really consider not smoking so much
the odorific aura you project ain't a sweet one, hence the empty seat

at the sound of the tone, the time will be just about now
please discontinue use of all electronic equipment and stow below the seat in front of you
thank you and goodnight

66

© Doug Doyle

~waiting~

"You walked in
Just like smoke
With a little come on, come on, come on
In your walk
Well, come on
I've been waitin'
Are you waitin?
For my move, well I'm makin' it
So tell me baby, can you shake it?
If I can move it with ya
Will you let me take it?

I'll be down on my knees
Screamin' take me, take me, take me, take me
I'm yours
I've never felt so out of control
You don't even know what you're doin' to me
Come on and do it to me

Don'tcha stop
Come on, come on
Come on little rabbit
Show me where you got it
'Cuz I know you got a habit"



66-afghan whigs
Greg Dulli is brilliant and i found him thanks to that man.  i do thank you...


this song sings in my dreams and i wake up there soon

lock and key

©CNirvana

~the amazing Stephanie Anne

when i run away will you remember me?
insert broken memories
push play as we move along the waterside
sliding by...
i apologize
the fast forward button got stuck again
 again

lets just sit and wait awhile and watch the flowers grow
you know, they will be pretty one day
the you mixed with me
little soon to be's
happy fairytaled make believe

when this lock can find its key

last

© April Lea

as I stand on the edge, teetering between here and too far
waiting for just the right moment to jump in and swim away 
standing, watching breathlessly as the clouds dissipate
breaking ever so slightly to reveal that imminent light
that i've been waiting for 


bathe me in the glowing light that seems to wash me clean 
a baptism of sorts, the kind where the end and the beginning meet
keep me in your glow, hold me tighter
dip me once and then again


as if this were my last bath, breath
the only one ill never need
the only one 


swimming swans float along the waterside
i watch them as they gaze, then take the long way round
back to the opening of my mind
the beginnings end

as the bells toll telling me its that time again
i finally feel whole
eyes closed and dreaming

completely elevated, frolicking in the moon bounce
with the elasticity of the never ending
hold your breath again
you'll see

just a piece

east side gallery, berlin~

watching carefully as the swelling puddles fill with the misty droplets of deliberate rain
it falls from the gray and dimly lit sky with a purpose and intent like i've never before seen
this expected deliverance of gloom fills the air, but life 
   as they know it continues, wrapped tightly in scarves and goulashes 

walking the stream of the brightly colored wall 
sprinkled with umbrellas and camera toting tourists


here we all stand, connected and separate in the lack of unification
what remains of this great wall whispers stories of past and future
and sits daintily painted for the rest of the world to see
the glimmer of the setting sun in the distance bounces around

and disappears 
we all walk away in different directions and end up in the same place 

charmed life

prancing down the ocean line with my toes between the sand
skipping like the little girl that wanders without a care
seashells and sunsets, ahh the simple life

wings spread wide, watch her fly

life is a holiday
reality shall wait

and as the stars twinkle and glow
exposing the endless view in to tomorrow
laying in the dampness of the grass becomes the only thing

you can see it all here
before, after and forever
these seconds compounded to last in the eternity of memory
caught in the butterfly net, exactly where i should be

next to me

© CNirvana

toast the stranger next to me with my plastic cup of cheap wine
arrival time, sooner than I think
as the turbulence begins to mount, the one thing that grounds me sets in
my calming memory

watching the little feet as she squirms in her slumber
hold me while I sleep next to your heart beat
her little hands wave and wander as she dreams of little things
perfection found in the yet to be

wings clipped to ground the little bird
flutterby right to where the 'should be' lies
you hear me now as your voice bounces around my brain
like the music of the wild horse tamer

flying farther with a return ticket stamped and dated
the itinerary yet to be determined
but the story will be nothing short of amazing 
soon to be
and nothing less

listen to me

© sai sivenasan

looking down the diner line, watching the interaction of the coupled pairs pretend reacting.  she holds her face in lame attempts to hold back the tears, in fear of revealing the person that she really is.  real emotion released in public is rarely appropriate.  "if I pull my hair perhaps that will help fight my reality".   as she carries on the almost story that she fears to tell, the boy in the next booth sits comfortably beside his lover. 


the two chat about this and that, looking lovingly at each other from across the greasy table.
"Rub my head again like you do our puppy.  I do so love when you touch me there." 
wistful gaze smiling gently as mouths fill full of food.  

and behind them the conversation of a missed connection ensues.  "I'm sorry I didn't invite you to my wedding.  I didn't think my wife would want to meet a girl I used to fuck", he says.  "It's ok, I had a baby shower anyway", she retorts.  embarrassed to listen to the trip to hawaii, staring at the band around his finger.  poignantly proving she is not the one.

and down the line sits mom and daughter.  happy little sprite amused with the noise of life that surrounds her.  smiling gaily at the strangers ways, as mom pouts and sulks in the corner.  some people shouldn't have children.  


little one's completely entertained by next to nothing as mom wallows in her self absorption.  the magical mind of a child continues to baffle and bemuse.
your innocence is not lost on me...

wet

© CNirvana

delicately dipping the toes in, just wet enough

splashing around the warm puddle
while wading in the kiddie pool

this is comfort

tripped and fell in the deep end

dive deep little swimmer
submerge and swallow the waves 

and let them wash you clean

your arms are stronger now

so the break doesn't seem as rough

this is the beginning

those who wait

©Michael Cordiez

this story continues from the one that never was but always will be
continuation of a life not quite remembered with 
the familiarity shared in silent syncopation 


a rhythm that needs no sound 
i've felt this all before she says 
as he whispers the same

the scent of longing lingers in her hair, that all too perfect smell
closed eyes breath and open mouths exhale
missing before the gone

skipped beat lying lonely just for a moment
good things come...

shadow of a dove

© Yoram Roth

behind my eyes, i dreamt of the black dove
flying around in misguided circles
swaying in the breeze as they often do
with no real intent or destination

with its ghostly shape of the silhouetted shadow
fluttering wings whisk by my coated eyelashes
wish i may, wish i might
have this wish i wish tonight

keep them closed, for you may see
the imaginary darkness of the wishing
wisher swishing the light to catch the day
caught again
and put on my arm where it will forever stay

lit up

©Noah Kalina

shades drawn tightly, and he asks me to close the door 

nodding in his direction, compliantly i listen
and watch the remainder of light dance round

i hear her in the distance, moaning quietly to herself
faintly, just far enough for the imagination to wonder
will she?

speaking as he did, with the words that seem spoken backwards
his poetic nonsense making sense with the gentle caress
of that lingering finger
wandering the folds of flesh and finding new ways
to dissimulate the reality of all too real

progression

©Justin Lane

tormented distrust disrupting the tousled trounces

the clapping of the thunder bolting inside, louder

angst ridden wanting while waiting, wading tall grasses

he found a snake that wouldn't bite

its poison all ran out so it just lay there, restless

take my pain away

another

©Micheal Cordiez

after many hours of mindless riding, watching the lights and hearing the sounds of the world that surrounds me, i finally arrive home.  to the city that keeps me, not necessarily my actual bed that i own.  how does one get so attached to a place?  when do you know that its actually where you belong?  what is it that i'm so in love with? or is it merely fleeing that which doesn't fit, yet again... a pattern.  perhaps.

go with what fits.  happy will follow.
thanks for the advice. i need it.

say good bye, say hello.  so much can be done in a day.

Life is Beautiful

© David LeBeck

when one day seems the same as the next based on the lack of originality, mostly in my work, partly in the lack of self challenge, what do you do?  you meet someone who has a much more interesting story than you and go for a swim.

what do you say to a man who has seen and done it all?  who has spent the entirety of his memorable life with his one true love.  the first date was skipped.  he met her at age 13, she was 12 and at that first glance he knew.  under the old oak tree, they held hands, had their first kiss and decided there was nothing else to search for.  renewing my faith that love at first sight is still a viable option.

fifty years later, against all odds and norms of society, they are still happily married. blissfully sharing the rest of their eternity.  sharing stories, creating memories and perpetuating a life well lived.  together.

we chat about music and photography.  he teaches me about people almost forgotten and i listen intently to my nonchalant storyteller.  this knowledgeable zeida (yiddish for grandfather) exclaims other terminology that i may never have otherwise heard.  when you listen, you just may learn something.

i finish my night with another watch of 'Life is Beautiful' by the forever fantastic Roberto Benigini.  a movie personally connected to DG, his story is endlessly fascinating and i cant wait to hear more.  thanks for the reminder.

'you sleep now.  dream sweet dreams.  maybe we are both dreaming.  maybe this is all a dream, and in the morning Mommy will wake us up with milk and cookies'

one day life will be that simple...

incidental interaction

©Zoe Wiseman

he made me a drink as i gladly accepted and went up to my room to read and wonder, wander the pages, searching for the spot in my mind where nothing but the words are allowed.  the stories of the mishaps flooding the headlines creep in, mixed with the voice of my beloved music man with the power to make the world disappear.  he sings to me regardless of my dedication to the focus at hand.  voice enveloping my mind and diving in to my soul.  


"every time you get a drink
and every time you go to sleep
are those dreams inside your head
is there sunlight on your bed"

the one man i can crave without remorse, the one that i have no desire to actually have.  i hear you reading and know you're watching in the silence of your darkness, that place where she can sit beside you and hold your hand and make you forget that you already forgot who you are.  it's terrible love, when the waves of monotony become habitual.  here we are again.  same damn circle.  excuse me sir, this is my exit.  time to get off.   you already missed your turn...

neglected

© Michael Cordiez- Rossland, BC

learning new things about new people has become the most enjoyable part of my day.  listening to those seemingly innate conversations between him and her about this that they dare not say louder than that.  the education of the little one who seems to be in complete control of all that surrounds her.  she wants one, so just give it to her.  round and round the circle fly the cars that used to be so grounded.  faster as they spin off track to the collision course of the imagination that leads to the place in the beginning.  back where they began to see that it really never mattered.  there's no place i'd rather be.  you know.  that place called...

skip, hop, jumping to the next thing that's on the agenda.  the never ending list of to-do.  growing anxiety ridden piece of paper with the chewed off edges.  you finished that one, didn't you?  i thought i knew the answer to the last question but than i realized that the words that i thought were in order no longer made sense. and that damn knot is back again, the one that crashed the last car.  speed bump. road kill.  off to seek the magic man.  he has all the answers, even to those that have yet to be asked.
what do you want to know?

consequences

© Candace Smith

losing myself in the world of a 4 year old, i bounce on the trampoline mindlessly.  giggling and forgetting about life, reality, responsibility... until he asks me to show him a trick.  my mind freezes as i feverishly try to come up with something that would interest this little man, that he may never have seen before, that i can still pull off without the fear of adulthood in the way.

i've never been one to be afraid, never hesitate when asked to jump out of a plane or off a cliff into the ocean 50 feet below or hang from a tree that could be my last.  all of these things i've volunteered for actually.  yet this moment when i bounce closer to the ground than any tree i've climbed, with memories of backflips and impressive acrobatics that would wow any 4 year old, i'm stunted.  i'm caught in my own self doubt, in my own hesitation, in the place in my brain where i'm no longer invincible.

that place where tinkerbell's fairy dust wears off and i plummet to the earth below.  oh tink, why'd you have to let me go?

sense of consequence...

some of us have it.  some of us skip that part of adulthood and just continue life as if nothing else matters.  this is all there is, so why think past right now?  for every action there is a reaction and its not always pleasant.  that's why we have health insurance.  that's why we say 'I'm sorry'.  that's why we think before we jump.  right?

so, i showed him my best back flip (from the starting position of on my knees) and he was impressed.  it doesn't take much when nothing but the little things matter.

forgotten

© Doug Doyle

lost stuffed teddy bear found on highway side
wonder who would leave him behind
cruising with the yellow birds 
listening to the singing praises as they preach
perched on the sil of this here window-
washer watching
what they whisper loudly, telling all his secrets 
and leaving the lost lover where he lies, under his starry night

Alice feel asleep again as she thought she watched the second hand
drifting off to merry dreamland 
'Just don't change a thing', she thinks, 
as her ring changes from blue to pink

the sleepy field mouse looks strangely like that rat
those beady eyes glow in the dark as dreams change to 
nightmarish...


Pause. Rewind.

the erasure begins to unwind 
the faceless hands 
of times twisted sense of mind.  

go back to sleep young thing.  it was nothing more than a bad dream.  

tossed aside

©Michael Cordiez

~special guest- Stephanie Anne

thrown off course when the navigation died, the thing that provides such comfort in times of need

swerving to avoid the puddles that envelope the world above and below

ditching dodges as the hole filled vacancies begin to grow

when there's nothing to listen to, the noise of the globe seems deafening in its silence

you're too smart to remember the way it sounded before the quiet, this still place

timeless, in its lack there of

coated in windless memories, singing softly behind the mirrored images of the long lost seashells

the approaching tree, knocked over in a fit of fury

it had to go when its time had come, riddled with poison and ready to die

the only thing tossed aside

still

©George Pitts

I don't want to be a distraction
I want to be the carnival, he says


subtracting the glowing lights of the monotony 
and the cacophonous circling of that last one
filling the hole with rawness of the prickly perfections
leaving the lost of the languid lips licked


as the rambling digresses into the soft swirl of 
the merry-go-round, we spin in the direction of the sun
hands extended, connected, clasped as one 

inception

© Brad Wilson

one thought can transform your reality
one idea dropped in the wrong place in your mind
   swirls life as you know it, out of control
one memory held too tightly sends the rest of you to drown
swimming in circles, til the circles swell and swallow
the world around you may not be real
what do you believe when the dream is reality?


"You're waiting for a train. A train that will take you far away. You can't be sure where it will take you. But it doesn't matter - because we'll be together."


Christopher Nolan is a genius.  see the movie and watch it again.

tipped

©CNirvana

half full

empty

future past

baby candace and her little sister, 1980

"I have this theory that I'll die someday, so I don't want to miss anything" he says.  


the soldier, sailor, artist, daddy repeats to himself in front of me.  which job is most important?  which will be the most remembered?  which is the most important to him?  all that really matters.  "there she goes my beautiful world"  nick cave is a magician, a poet and a dream creater...   i wait patiently to meet his little man and capture the moment of daddy with his new shadow, partner, flesh and blood.  those seconds are the things that never die.  


today i went to breakfast and sat in a diner by myself, listening to really great 50's bands and music that makes me smile.   when i left, i gave a single dollar to a man on the corner.  he responded with the most genuine heart felt smile i may ever see.  i've felt that endless, unrequited love before.  i've seen that look in eyes that have no home.  


that moment, i will keep forever.


that smile, may have changed me as a person.  i need that hope.  i need that need outside of myself because without that... thing, the little thing, we are self involved pigs that swallow our own souls and die alone.  without that moment of hesitation that stops us on the street corner, life itself may be lost.  don't lose that moment.  it may be the one right before the bus full of fat people....

the past

© CNirvana

~amber g. in the sun...

yesterday i fell out of a tree.  it was my choice.  technically i jumped but was afraid to let go.  i fought the tree and the tree won.

yesterday i got some really bad news of the worst kind, but is was given with a grain of salt and taken with an exceptional amount of hope.  perspective is all we have when there's nothing left.  perspective is everything.

yesterday i went to bed early after a long and chilly day.  today i woke up to the sunrise and the rain bouncing off the roof in a pattern fit to dance to.  yesterday is gone.  learn from it.  leave it.  move on.

happy

there's nothing left to say

melting

©JMG

grand anticipation and the next go round
sound synonym similar
song- like bird baby.
i miss you.
you, that one
not that one
as the moments pass and change and gazing on eternally, internally into
that which is not yet to be seen, only imagined and, well,
come together now and see what i really mean.

she lays drooling beside me as i lay fit to be tied.
who wins this game, when no one's taking score?

those girls

© CNirvana

Meet Sara~

this weekend i made lame attempts at shooting model portfolios.  my girlfriend has a promotional agency and her ladies are in desperate need of new images.  in hops candace.  the "models" aren't actually models at all which made my job slightly more challenging.

i realized painfully quickly that even with all my experience in front of the camera i'm clueless as to how to direct a model. (hence the book, coming soon... it wont be long now.)   i've been fortunate enough in my shooting to work with amazing talent, spoiled.  also an added addition to the ease of great shots is the fact that i know most of my models, and know them well.   these ladies were fun but ultimately i fall back to my true love.

munchkins

Julianna- again and always

a good friend said i'm better with babies.  "magical even".  i believe he's right.
and that makes me happy.